Wish the Love would die!!

I am doing OK. Somedays I actually have fun. I love the Lord and I know he loves me and has a plan for my life. Really I do! But... Why won't the love I have for Tony die??? He stays in touch with me, I know it is only because of the guilt he feels about what he did to me.  He knows right from wrong and he knows what he did to me was wrong! He can't get on with his life either (because of the guilt). Sorry for him! I tell him I forgive him and I have but I won't forget or act like it never happened and I guess that is what he is after.  He told me he loved me numerous times everyday. He let me believe we had a future and were building a home and a life together. For the last 6 months he was seeing a girl behind my back. Those are the facts! He keeps trying to say he didn't use me and wants me to agree. I told him it is what it is.  You could not have ment or believed the things you said to me while doing someone on the side. Call it what you want.  I said if you don't believe that was using me, so be it.  That still isn't good enough. He said for a "Christian" I am slow to forgive! Whatever! I told him he hasn't forgiven himself and that is where his peace will come from! I and God have already forgiven him.  He keeps asking if I am happy.  Hell no, I love him and I can't be with him so no I am not HAPPY but I am managing and doing well. He only wants me to be happy (with someone else) to get his ass off the hook. He wants to say see, she really didn't love me anyway or something like that. I did and do love him and I did nothing wrong. He almost hates that I didn't get bitter or try to take revenge, that too could help to justify his actions. I AM A CHRISTIAN and a good person. I am worthy of his or anyone elses love and nothing I have said or done or will do will take away the fact that he did me wrong. Sorry for him (and me). I wish my love for him wasn't real. I pray everyday that God will let me let him go.  I date, I hope, I don't sit and dwell but IT is always there, in my heart!! Why can't I let it die?? Why can't I give up on us ever being together?? Why can't a meet a man so worthy that he makes ms say, Tony Who?? I pray one day it will happen! Maybe then I will be able to "give up". God I hope so.  He is still way too much a part of me.  We do not see eachother, I won't allow it. He emails me at work. I know I should ignor it but I don't. We text from time to time. He called yesterday. I didn't answer. Sent him an email telling him I didn't think there was any reason for us to speak it is just going over the same old stuff and I didn't want to get upset before work. That made him say something to the effect that I am bitter and not forgiving. Told him sorry you feel that way but that is not the case. I guess in a way it does give me pleasure to tell him I forgive him and love him. It keeps him feeling the guilt. It is all the truth so it can't be wrong. I am going to try hard not to respond at all to him but God knows I miss him and so believed he was/is my soulmate. Lord, please let the love I have for him die! Please help me to find a man worthy of my love who will cherrish it and return it as it should be.  It still hurts sooo much! I smile on the outside but my heart still has a big hole in it that it appears only he can fill!