Wish the cynical voice would go away....
7 months...clean and sober....working and expecting a child. TRYING to clean up your credit and trying to find an apt and can't beCAUSE of your credit. You're doing so awesome. Doing your weekly therapy still and enjoying life. Not flipping out over the mess you had created over the past 6+ years.
So WHY won't this cynical voice in my head stop, you know the one, that always thinks the 'worst'.
The past keeps creeping in and reminding me of the 'what if's' that could happen. What if your gf, after the baby is born, goes back to using? Will you too? Will I be left to raise a child of addiction? Will this baby be born healthy? This baby will spend a month in the hospital to 'withdraw' from the Methadone it's been born into. SMH....Is this the smartest thing? Having this baby? This time in your life? Your GF is 3 years younger than you and VERY immature. Is it even YOUR baby? Or are you just doing this to pay back for all the harm you caused?
You can't get an apartment even with your VASH because of your credit. I just don't understand. I get it that abortion sounds cruel, but what about adoption? She can't take care of herself, neither can you, and yet you think your mature enough to raise a child?
One more month and your life will become even MORE difficult. She thinks it will be 'perfect' when this baby is born. I was surprised when I got pregnant and found out on my honeymoon. Although I wasn't ready for a child either. Just married, no place to really 'settle down' in, and yes I did it, but I was not an addict, I worked hard and even harder as a single parent (divorced a year after you're born) and it was hard. I dealt with more crap than I wished for. It was NOT perfect, but you were, you are.
I just am sooooo filled with worry and it is seeping into each part of my life, effecting EVERYTHING and EVERYONE around me.
So, I leave this all in God's hands. That for some reason, this was meant to be. How it happened I guess is a sign. You died of an overdose. 30 minutes dead and they brought you back. You left the hospital, went out and used AGAIN and in that time of 24 hours when you got out and went to rehab, you got your addict gf pregnant. How is THAT possible after having been gone from this life? And NO ill effects to you. Yes, a miracle.
I pray to God that he shows you the paths, that you pay attention to those paths and that you man up and take care of business the way it SHOULD be.
Now, I need to get on with my life and finally take care of my OWN issues and correct the things I've put on the back burner for 6 years because of YOUR problems.
So WHY won't this cynical voice in my head stop, you know the one, that always thinks the 'worst'.
The past keeps creeping in and reminding me of the 'what if's' that could happen. What if your gf, after the baby is born, goes back to using? Will you too? Will I be left to raise a child of addiction? Will this baby be born healthy? This baby will spend a month in the hospital to 'withdraw' from the Methadone it's been born into. SMH....Is this the smartest thing? Having this baby? This time in your life? Your GF is 3 years younger than you and VERY immature. Is it even YOUR baby? Or are you just doing this to pay back for all the harm you caused?
You can't get an apartment even with your VASH because of your credit. I just don't understand. I get it that abortion sounds cruel, but what about adoption? She can't take care of herself, neither can you, and yet you think your mature enough to raise a child?
One more month and your life will become even MORE difficult. She thinks it will be 'perfect' when this baby is born. I was surprised when I got pregnant and found out on my honeymoon. Although I wasn't ready for a child either. Just married, no place to really 'settle down' in, and yes I did it, but I was not an addict, I worked hard and even harder as a single parent (divorced a year after you're born) and it was hard. I dealt with more crap than I wished for. It was NOT perfect, but you were, you are.
I just am sooooo filled with worry and it is seeping into each part of my life, effecting EVERYTHING and EVERYONE around me.
So, I leave this all in God's hands. That for some reason, this was meant to be. How it happened I guess is a sign. You died of an overdose. 30 minutes dead and they brought you back. You left the hospital, went out and used AGAIN and in that time of 24 hours when you got out and went to rehab, you got your addict gf pregnant. How is THAT possible after having been gone from this life? And NO ill effects to you. Yes, a miracle.
I pray to God that he shows you the paths, that you pay attention to those paths and that you man up and take care of business the way it SHOULD be.
Now, I need to get on with my life and finally take care of my OWN issues and correct the things I've put on the back burner for 6 years because of YOUR problems.
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