Wish My Saturday Nights Didn't Always End In TEARS....
Tonight was my BESTESS GIRLFRIENDS BIRTHDAY. We have been planning it for weeks now. A beautiful dinner cocktails, and of course dancing. Went and bought new dress and strappy sandles. Nails done hair done make up done to perfection and of course a little bling. Dinner was really good most of the time I eat soup and salad with fruit. But sometimes mama needs a steak. A big one prime rib with baked potato and those butter rolls. I love butter if it were legal I would marry it. Anyway after a few strawberry margarita's the music started and we were dancing and laughing started to forget how he hurt my heart yesterday with his meaness. Then the slow songs started and that's when it hits you. I don't have a special someone to hold and slow dance with anymore....
I hate that feeling then I start to notice all the little things my friends husbands and boyfriends were doing for them. Like rubbing their backs, holding their hands, even rubbing the bottoms of their feet if they were sore from dancing in high heals. All the I love you's and hey baby would you go get me another beer ect... Most of them are still newlyweds so their clueless I mean they probably still shave their legs. They haven't learned that intimacy slowly goes from hours of passion to 5 minutes during a commercial break. Shorter if the commercial has a fast car or a talking monkey in it. Then that's when I realized that it's all those little moments I miss so much. All the little things that only I knew about him that made him my husband. I just miss someone to hold hands with or get me another beer or cheer with me during the big game. My heart hurts still because I feel like he doesn't miss any of these things. WHY? How could he not miss all the little things we shared over 23 years.
How will anyone else know that when he has a headache if you run a comb or your fingers through his hair it goes away. How will anyone else know that he has to have 2 cups of coffee in the morning before he can focus, or he likes his chili with extra cheese. These are things you learn over the course of a marriage things only a wife would know. This just breaks my heart to think that someone else will ever know all these things about him. Maybe they won't not unless someone else wants to invest 23 years to find out. Maybe I shouldn't have so many strawberry margarita's before I journal.......
I hate that feeling then I start to notice all the little things my friends husbands and boyfriends were doing for them. Like rubbing their backs, holding their hands, even rubbing the bottoms of their feet if they were sore from dancing in high heals. All the I love you's and hey baby would you go get me another beer ect... Most of them are still newlyweds so their clueless I mean they probably still shave their legs. They haven't learned that intimacy slowly goes from hours of passion to 5 minutes during a commercial break. Shorter if the commercial has a fast car or a talking monkey in it. Then that's when I realized that it's all those little moments I miss so much. All the little things that only I knew about him that made him my husband. I just miss someone to hold hands with or get me another beer or cheer with me during the big game. My heart hurts still because I feel like he doesn't miss any of these things. WHY? How could he not miss all the little things we shared over 23 years.
How will anyone else know that when he has a headache if you run a comb or your fingers through his hair it goes away. How will anyone else know that he has to have 2 cups of coffee in the morning before he can focus, or he likes his chili with extra cheese. These are things you learn over the course of a marriage things only a wife would know. This just breaks my heart to think that someone else will ever know all these things about him. Maybe they won't not unless someone else wants to invest 23 years to find out. Maybe I shouldn't have so many strawberry margarita's before I journal.......
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