wish my head would just stop thinking!!!!!

hello i am back. sorry about rambling yesterday i just had so much going on in my head and i thought if i wrote it down and shared it my head would slow down. it did help a little. i have decided that it may be time for me to walk away and sever all relationship with my mother. she is a liar and is still mentally and verbally abusive. it is so hard to talk to her every day and know what she is saying is all a lie. i figure i will try to get alittle more information out of her and when i know enough or ready i will stop talking to her. this whole thing is so overwhelming. i am on an emotional rollercoaster. i hit all emotions but the one i like the best is numb, just not feeling at all. i got on facebook and stumbled on someone who knew my family when i was young and she is going to get in touch with me soon(i hope). i am in search of my childhood and hope i can find something out. i feel so lost and alone in this world and just want to know who i am and and what is my past.
i have been able to cut down on smoking. that makes me feel better but the excercise obsession is in full force. cant win them all i guess. very tired lately and a little moody and even grumpy. not like me. i kind of dont like me right now very much.
have not self harmed for almost 2 years except for 2 times i did slip but am still proud of myself.
hope all is well for you all my friends. take care and God bless you all.