wiped out

i am emotionally drained. im so tired. trying not to feel but its not working. just want to remove my head knock it off and feel alive. need stop having pity party realize things could always be worse and stop beating myself up cause its getting very very old. life would be so much easier if a beautiful kind woman would just come knock on my door. no desire to end what i have although gut tells me i should and no desire to start over. just tired and lonely. and hate emotions.