Winter is setting in

In 1995 my parents, who lived in Maine, got into a car accident and the only one of us that was in Maine with them was my bi-polar brother. As he was so wrapped up in his "condition" I felt it was necessary for someone to go up there to help out, so I took a FMLA leave from my job and went up for the summer. Except for my parents, I really liked living in Maine. It was quieter, safer, and less stressful. Homelife was not less stressful, because living with my OCD mother is never stressless, but I was able to help my father. There were plenty of places I could go to get away from my mother, as well, and alot of things to do. So, after spending 3 months up there, I decided to live up there, but I had to work my job in RI for 3 months or pay back the bank for the medical coverage they had extended to me during my leave. Sidebar - it seems a bit wrong, somehow, that you have to pay such an amount for "medical coverage" when you haven't even had any medical services.  Well, on December 1, 1995 I moved up to Maine, thinking that it would be permanent. I had a daughter in college, and I was paying her rent for an apartment to help her out. It didn't take long for all my savings, including my 401k, to go, because the only job I could find paid so little that it didn't even cover my girl's rent.  When I arrived in Maine, the ground was bare, but by Christmas there was 4 feet of snow on the ground. I had to travel 45 minutes to get to the job, the pay was pathetic, and the staff at the assignment (it was a temp job) were not particularily friendly to me. The manager had given me an assignment which involved looking at the books, including department salaries, and the secretary would not let me see the figures, quoting "I'm not giving that information to a temp!". After explaining to the office manager, I quit that job and found another one in Augusta. The job in Augusta was supposed to be a 2 week assignment, at a slightly less pathetic rate of pay, but I did the job so well that it only lasted a week. So, I sat down and did the numbers, and determined that there was no way that I was going to be able to support myself and pay my daughter's rent so she could stay in college, so I went back to RI, and was able to get a job before I actually moved. I moved back to Maine (without my mother) 3 years ago, and the first winter was not bad at all. When I went to finally buy the pair of flannel lined pants that I'd always wanted in February, it was 51o. There wasn't much snow that year, and I really liked being here. During the following summer I had some friends come and stay for 6 weeks, and it was the best summer I ever had.  Then the 2nd winter set it, and we had quite a bit of snow. We had a guy plow our driveway, but even though he did a really good job, he had quoted us a rate of $15 per snow storm, but actually charged almost 3 times that. By the time spring arrived, I had already used up all my savings, my grandaughter had come to live with me, and I could not get my business off the ground or find a job.  The summer was pretty good, and I tried to work on things, but didn't make alot of progress. I had several sales to bring customers to the store, but got little response. I had more visits from the tax assessor than I had customers when I was open, and decided that a different tactic needed to be adopted.  Last winter was the worst I've ever seen. We had about 20 feet of snow, it was dead cold most of the time, and we paid over $8,000 for heat for the season. We did not re-hire the plow guy, because he raised his rates and if his $15 rate actually costs $45, then his $25 rate would be about $75, and we could not afford it. So I manually cleared the snow myself. Almost completely by myself, as my brother really cannot do to much in the way of physical labor.  By the time that spring arrived, I was exhausted, mentally and physically, all the money was gone and I was sinking into debt, and if it hadn't been for my uncle and mother giving me things to sell on ebay, I'd be bankrupt by now. As it is, I am in deep debt, although the equity in my home more than covers it, but the cash flow is exceedingly inadequate.  I started work at a dollar store, helping them set up for their grand opening, but I don't know if the job is just for a few weeks or permanent. It pays minimum wage and is part time, so it barely helps to support us, but it is a start. Being around people for part of the time is very helpful for my mood, however, I just don't know how I'd do at it for a permanent job.    I really dred the coming of winter. Already I am cold all of the time and the dryness is affecting my hair and skin. I make sure to take my vitamins and the anti-anxiety medication each morning, and throughout the day, so that my mood doesn't swing too much because of it, but I really want out of here.  I cannot take another winter like last one. It is bad enough that it is dark before 5:00 and doesn't get light until after 7:00, and getting worse. I still cannot afford a plow guy, and am extremely relieved that the price of oil is going down because if it were up at $5.00 a gallon I'd be bankrupt by February.