Winter blues

Winter is difficult time for me as it is for many. I struggle with acceptance and finding peace. When I don't follow my gut it comes back and hurts. My children are out of the house and I'm lost trying to stay sane And find a will and desire to live cant seem to stay in relationship for longer than six months I'm exhausted and financially a mess even though work sixty hrs a week. Can't seem to let go of my anger and forget the past. Struggle with self abuse and desire too use