winter

each year i wonder how i do it, how do i get through each winter. the germs. the flu...the stomach flu. how do i avoid it..each spring feels like a triumph another winter i made it through. but then months later here i am again..in hiding. avoid busses, and croweds... my mind starts to get nervous around kids..they get sick alot..all the time infact...always makes me nervous..and never want kids. but then spring comes along and its like score one for jackie knock on wood. i hate this fear. rather be scared of snacks...least those i can avoid....i have gotten better thought...but that doesnt make each panic attack easyer..i still remember getting them every single night. no wonder i never slept and dropped out of school. iv come along way and im proud of myself but its still scary. i dont know  how people can do it...i guess they just have a strenght i dont...a skill i wish i had. i hope this winter passes with a score one for jackie knock on wood. ugh here we go again.