Will it ever end

Well its Thurs July 20th 

All these years I have been thinking will things get better in my relationship with my wife , but it hasn't and I feel that it won't , when things break down I'm the blame , the name calling never stops, and the accusations never stops , accused of stealing money from her store even though I tell her it would hurt me as well. But telling her that is like talking to the wall, I just don't want to be bothered with her store. The items keep adding up like her trip to Orlando , spending time goung out with our daughter on her birthday taking her girlfriend with her leaving me home the same when she went to Florida telling her girlfriend son not to tell me where they went. Also telling me that I speak to my son nick and his mother in which I have done in a long long time. One thing hasnt changed is my belief in becoming a woman , trying to keep my anxiety in check but it is hard. I break down crying due to the lonlyness that had filled my heart, looking other women wishing that I was one but I feel my heart race and feeling the shortness in my breath. Monday I go to see the surgeon to get my hernia repaired so that I may once again wear dress without the big bulge. I feel the emptynedd in my heart in hopes it will be filled once again with someone's love