WILL IT EVER END
I have been struggling with depression for more than three years. It is not just one thing that troubles me, it is a seemingly unending series of events that began in January 2011 when I drove through an ice storm from SE Oklahoma to SE Iowa to rescue my oldest daughter from a bad relationship. That is another story. I paid her bills so she could leave that small town with her head up and brought her to live with me. She did get a job right away and I helped her buy a car. She stayed with me for 16 months and while here didn’t even buy her own toilet paper and laundry detergent, she broke every rule I have in my home except 1 and when she filed her income taxes in February 2012 she claimed the relocation deduction for the trip I paid for and did not even buy me lunch!!!
She finally found her own place to live in May 2012 and within 2 months invited that person I had rescued her from into my stomping grounds, and 2 months after that they moved back to Iowa.
From the time I retired in March 2005 through August 2012 I became deeply involved in conservative politics; voter education and registration, and campaigning for conservative issues and candidates. At the time my daughter moved back to Iowa I became so disenchanted with low voter turnout in the primary elections I have not voted since and don’t even watch the news on television.
.
I began seeking some form of smoker friendly social venue and the only thing available was the local Indian casino. I won a great deal of money the first 4 months. This was fun!
Then in February 2013 I became the victim in an auto accident with an uninsured driver in a parking lot. Long story short I won a lawsuit against her and she filed bankruptcy to avoid paying me. During this stressful period I had a minor stroke that has affected my memory and judgment, and I drool. I lost 20 pounds, my bowels stopped moving, I was forced to go back to work after being retired for 7 years.
I live alone and have no family in the area to help me with things I need help with, no one to give me a hug, no one to celebrate with when something pleasant happens. I began having home repair problems one after another. Get something fixed and something else breaks and I was working 6 days a week with no coworkers to cover for me if I needed time off and no friends except those I had business relationships with. I could only make the best of it, throw up my hands and say “What Next?”
I kept going to the casino to just get away from it all. I called those almost daily trips an “escape” . Sometimes I won enough to keep playing and not have to go home, When I lost I called it an “investment”
In July 2015 I realized I was getting in too deep. I always maintained that I was not an addicted problem gambler but a habitual player. If there had been some other smoker friendly social venue I would have gone somewhere else but playing every day causing financial problems for me. I sought therapy for the depression and was told I am not depressed, just angry and was guided toward an anger management group, but kept playing, and losing more than I won.
In mid-October I decided I would have to stop running away from these troubles. Stay home and face them. As long as I had that escape venue my problems would just mount. On October 31, 2015 I turned in a form to “self-ban” myself from the casino for a year.
In only 6 weeks I have gone from being a month behind on all of my bills to being a month ahead of them and I am pleased with myself, but other worries plague me. My old car is giving me trouble and I must have reliable transportation, my job is going to end the end of this year and I am going to face a tax liability in April.
All of this is only the vague high points of my struggle.
She finally found her own place to live in May 2012 and within 2 months invited that person I had rescued her from into my stomping grounds, and 2 months after that they moved back to Iowa.
From the time I retired in March 2005 through August 2012 I became deeply involved in conservative politics; voter education and registration, and campaigning for conservative issues and candidates. At the time my daughter moved back to Iowa I became so disenchanted with low voter turnout in the primary elections I have not voted since and don’t even watch the news on television.
.
I began seeking some form of smoker friendly social venue and the only thing available was the local Indian casino. I won a great deal of money the first 4 months. This was fun!
Then in February 2013 I became the victim in an auto accident with an uninsured driver in a parking lot. Long story short I won a lawsuit against her and she filed bankruptcy to avoid paying me. During this stressful period I had a minor stroke that has affected my memory and judgment, and I drool. I lost 20 pounds, my bowels stopped moving, I was forced to go back to work after being retired for 7 years.
I live alone and have no family in the area to help me with things I need help with, no one to give me a hug, no one to celebrate with when something pleasant happens. I began having home repair problems one after another. Get something fixed and something else breaks and I was working 6 days a week with no coworkers to cover for me if I needed time off and no friends except those I had business relationships with. I could only make the best of it, throw up my hands and say “What Next?”
I kept going to the casino to just get away from it all. I called those almost daily trips an “escape” . Sometimes I won enough to keep playing and not have to go home, When I lost I called it an “investment”
In July 2015 I realized I was getting in too deep. I always maintained that I was not an addicted problem gambler but a habitual player. If there had been some other smoker friendly social venue I would have gone somewhere else but playing every day causing financial problems for me. I sought therapy for the depression and was told I am not depressed, just angry and was guided toward an anger management group, but kept playing, and losing more than I won.
In mid-October I decided I would have to stop running away from these troubles. Stay home and face them. As long as I had that escape venue my problems would just mount. On October 31, 2015 I turned in a form to “self-ban” myself from the casino for a year.
In only 6 weeks I have gone from being a month behind on all of my bills to being a month ahead of them and I am pleased with myself, but other worries plague me. My old car is giving me trouble and I must have reliable transportation, my job is going to end the end of this year and I am going to face a tax liability in April.
All of this is only the vague high points of my struggle.
Replies
SORRY U WERE HIT BY A DING-A-LING...............................
GBU
DRENA B
;-O
I became the victim in another collision today. It is just not fair that he gets to turn over his insurance verification and I have to deal with all the shitty details while trying to hold down a job.
I am 72 years old for heaven\'s sake.