wild times

so my friends probably know I had a respite! my grandmother went to a nursing home/rehab center for five nights. she did pretty well, in that she wasn't upset about going and she settled in pretty nicely. when i picked her up she thought she was living there! unfortunately, since then things have been very rough. her anti-anxiety medication is an as needed, varying dosage medication. the facility gave her more of it than she is used to, although they didn't give her any more than is prescribed. i'm sure it made her much more comfortable there, but it makes her very weak. for two days (back at home) she could barely walk on her own and fell three times. we stopped giving her any of the medication so she can get most of it out of her system for now. we had to take her to her doctor's on tuesday because she couldn't get out of bed and was complaining of terrible back pain every time she moved. turns out she has a compression fracture in her back. i don't know if she got it at the facility or if its from one of her falls at home. the doctor said they really couldn't tell how new of a break it is. there's nothing to be done but give tylenol, which really does take away the pain. unfortunately, she's also been mentally a mess. she keeps asking to go home, asking where she is, wanting to know where i am at all times. no matter what I do she is upset. if i make her dinner she is upset that i'm not in the same room as her. if i go to the bathroom she starts wandering around calling my name. so it's been pretty tough. she opened an outside door last night and left it wide open and i didn't realize it, so the cats got out. i was out at 11:30pm trying to find them and fortunately i did, but it was the final straw in a bad, bad week. i couldn't stop crying for a while. i'm tired all the time. my family totally supports me in getting more help, because she is simply getting worse and i genuinely can't take care of her all by myself as much as i have been. i'm at a point where i don't know how i could do it without more help. so today we tried to get the ball rolling with that. i asked the agency we use for an extra five hours a week and i also got in touch with an adult day center that caters to patients with dementia and alzheimer's. ultimately, i'm hopeful and i know that at some point things will get better. just hard to deal with for now. but it will get better, right?? :)