Wide awake....
I am wide awake. Nothing new. I no longer have enough meds to be taking them all the time. So, if I dont have sleeping meds - I dont sleep at all or not much anyway. And the reduction of the other meds has finally taken a toll on my mind. Either I am crying, or so down I dont want to move, or my heart is racing and I feel I will explode. Woke yet again with a severe throbbing headache. Told the doc AGAIN about how bad they are and still nothing to help me. If I had a gun I would blow my head off to make it stop hurting. What does it take to get help and some sort of relief from the pain? i know many people who lie and get pain pills all the damn time and I am in actual needof pain relief and I am ignored. Just like how my entire life has always been. Who gives a shit! The whole hell of not enough food and how I cant get enough help pisses me off. I know a few people that lie so they can get lots of food stamps. here I am not able to eat half the month and those people have plenty of food and money. Cause they lie. This whole world has become about lies and if you bitch and complain you get something. While people like me do the honest thing and get screwed for it. There is no justice - for its all about who you know in this messed up life! My son needs new shoes. He is diabetic and insulin dependant. Shoes are major important fo rhim not to end up loosing a limb. I cant even buy the glucose tablets for him when his blood gets low and are stuck with him eating sugar to stop himself from going into a diabetic coma. WTF!!!!! And then breaking down to my all time low and asking the ones I know for help, just to have most of them turn their backs completely on me. Had 3 give me at least word of love and one take me and get me some food for a few days. Here I am, with the knowledge that many of the people I have helped, loved and cared for - shut the door on me. That is a crappy feeling & shocking!!!! In the last year I have had all the yard sales I can to get by on. I am out of things I can sell. I have sunk lower than low in my book. I see no light in my path. No reason to continue to push through each and every day with hope that is being ripped apart. I am lost in the deepest darkest place. I have begged, borrowed and pleaded. I am out of ideas. I am out of options.
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