Why Would I Even Consider This ????
Have You ever had Moments where You can't help but stop, and wonder... " What am I thinking ? " I can't really even begin to say WHY, but I came Very Close to actually writing an E-mail to My ExBf apologizing to Him for being Very Emotional during the Last Telephone Conversation We had ! WHY would I even consider doing that ?! I know He DOESN'T DESERVE an APOLOGY, because of a Couple of Reasons.One Reason would be because HE'S AN ASS !!!!!! The Other Reason would be because I DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO HIM FOR BEING HUMAN... FOR HAVING A HEART, AND SOUL... THAT HE'S HURT !!!! I wonder if maybe the urge to apologize to Him was sort of a FLASHBACK to some old situations with Him, when He was here with Me, when He would make Me feel like a FAILURE, AND LIKE I WAS THE ONE IN THE WRONG FOR CRYING ! He'd always make it seem like I was WRONG for having a Heart, and for feeling HURT from Him YELLING AT ME, DESTROYING THINGS, AND HURTING ME... EITHER JUST EMOTIONALLY, OR JUST PHYSICALLY, OR MANY TIMES BOTH AT THE SAME TIME ! I swear if He had given Me a Dollar for Every Time He called Me a " CRY BABY ", I'd have a LOT of Money saved up now ! Speaking of Money... When He left, He knew DAMN WELL that He was leaving in the Middle of the Month, just in Time so that He wouldn't be around when the Next Electric Bill was DUE ! He already knew that that Electric Bill was going to be a LOT, and He knew obviously that it was a LOT mainly because of HIM !! So, I don't know WHY He acted kind of surprised that I said I was thinking about TRYING to sell the Few Things He had left behind, when He called Me this Past Tuesday Night. I wish I hadn't Answered the Phone when I saw on the Caller ID that it was HIM ! I WON'T make the MISTAKE again, though ! NO WAY ! I don't care WHAT He says on My Answering Machine, I can't handle hearing His Voice, and dealing with His COLD - CRUEL - AND HEARTLESS - attitude on the Phone ! After the Way that Call Tuesday Night made Me feel, it was crystal clear that Talking to Him at all just pushes My Progress towards Healing Backwards, and I definitely don't need that ! Right now, I'm just THANKFUL that I managed to stop Myself from E-mailing Him. I thought about it, and not only does He NOT deserve to hear from Me... He DEFINITELY DOES NOT DESERVE AN APOLOGY... AND I WOULD NOT WANT HIS NEW GF TO READ MY E-MAIL TO HIM, AND END UP HAVING HER E-MAIL ME ANOTHER HARRASSING, AND VERY CRUEL, E-MAIL. So it's just NOT WORTH IT all the way around ! Just like IF the thought of trying to reach Him by calling His Cell Phone, ever crosses My Mind, I remember how RUDE - CRUEL - AND COMPLETELY COLD AND HEARTLESS - He was when He called Me back, and told Me to NEVER CONTACT HIM AGAIN... NOT BY PHONE, OR BY E-MAILS.Not that I would Want to do Anything FOR HIM, but in this Case... I've been seeing More and More that it's for the BEST that I give Him His Wish ! BUT... since He's said that I CAN'T CONTACT HIM.... THEN THAT SHOULD MEAN THAT HE CAN'T CONTACT ME !!!! THAT LAST PART ' IS ' THE WAY IT'LL BE... WHETHER HE LIKES IT, OR NOT !By now, I'm betting anything that He's got to have shown His RAGE to His New GF in One Form, or Another ! That can't have gone over very well ! I wonder IF that's WHY I suddenly can't find His Hoverspot.com Page !?! I wonder IF She MADE HIM DELETE IT !!!!! LOL That wouldn't surprise Me, since apparently according to Him the Way She had seen My E-mails to Him was because He had gotten up to go to the Bathroom, and She helped Herself to the Computer... and Spying On His E-mails ! IF She's the Type that will do that, then it would just follow that She's probably INSISTED on poking Her NOSE into ALL OF HIS SITES !!!! LOL As soon as She saw how SLUTTY the Women " FRIENDS " on His Hoverspot.com Page were, then that's probably when SHE INSISTED THAT HE DELETE THE SITE !!!!! I hope My Assumptions are RIGHT, because it would serve Him right to be with a PUSHY - DEMANDING - AND CONTROLLING - Woman now, when He was ALWAYS ALL OF THOSE THINGS WITH ME !!!!! I WAS NEVER LIKE THAT WITH HIM AT ALL.... SO I WOULD HOPE THAT HE'S STARTING NOW TO REALIZE WHAT A HUGE MISTAKE HE MADE LEAVING ME ! Believe Me when I say, I'm NOT saying this because I would even remotely consider taking him back, OH HECK NO !!!!!... I TOLD HIM ON THE PHONE DURING THE LAST TIME HE CALLED ME, THAT I'M NEVER GOING TO TAKE HIM BACK AGAIN... AND HOPE HE'S HAPPY FOR MANY YEARS TO COME WITH HIS NEW GF !!!! I was just saying that I WOULD HOPE that He's realized what a HUGE MISTAKE He's made LEAVING ME, SO THAT IF HE SHOULD EVER TRY TO ASK ME TO TAKE HIM BACK... THEN I CAN BASICALLY LAUGH AT HIM, AND TELL HIM.. " OH HELL NO !!!! I'M NEVER GOING TO TAKE YOU BACK AGAIN ! NEVER !!!! " After Everything He put Me through, I would LOVE to have the Chance to do that ! Does that make Me a " Hateful " Person ???? I don't think it does, because My EXBF deserves it... and MUCH MORE !