Why won't you stop lying

I hate myself for getting to this point. I am the only reason why my wife doesn't trust me. I lied to her one too many times. I can lose her, I love her more than anything and I don't want her to suffer because of me. She may be better off without having to worry if the next thing that comes out of my mouth another lie. I hate my self for doing this to her, but I don't want her to go I need her to stay with me. I see no point in my life without her. I do not want to be without her but I don't want her to suffer. I'm a confused and angry. She has been nothing but patient and loving to me. She deserves a better husband and a honest relationship. I just want that to be me and not another person. I don't want to see her go.