Why why why why

Well this weekend was hell on earth......Friday I hurt so bad that I ate pills, then after work I was hungry and had to run to the store so we went out to eat, by the time the food got there I was fighting back tears.....so I took another pill, after we left I could not fight the tears back anymore but I tried to hide my face Justin saw and immediately got upset, kept rubbing my back saying we will be home soon, it will be ok baby....we ran to the store and hurried up and got home....I hit the couch and did not move.......Saturday I got up and sat with my heating pad while Justin cleaned the house, I felt worthless just sitting there but I did not want to move, I was going shopping with my mom later and I knew if I moved around now I would not be able to later on.....I finally got up and started getting ready was doing ok I was sitting in a chair though so it was not too bad.....I took a pill about a half hour before my mom got there and so I was ok when we left.....at the stores for the most part I was ok I did have several times where I had to double over  but thank goodness for the most part I was ok, it was nice getting out and I did have a nice day.....by the time I got home however I was in agony, I hit the couch and did not move.....Yesterday we went grocery shopping and it was aweful I hurt soooo bad but I am so tired of sitting around home and not doing things so I forced myself to go, plus if I don't go we always seem to end up with more than what we need....That evening I was in tears on my mom's floor with my heating pad and pillows under me. Justin had is worried look and my mom did too......I am so sick of this!!!!!! I am tired of feeling like crap all the time I am tired of the pity looks and I am just tired period. I don't even want to get out of bed, I wish I could just crawl into a hole and disappear forever, I don't want to be around anyone I don't want to talk to people, I wish they would just leave me alone.....Like at work today, I don't want to be here I am fighting back tears from the pain, I am not in the mood to deal with anyone today. I WANT TO GO HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!