Why Whitney
i haven't journalled in forever and it feels kinda weird that my first entry in so long is going to be about my reaction to a celebrity death, but since twiluv told me about it yesterday whitney houston's death has been plaguing my mind.
so what is it about whitney's death at age 48 that's so disturbing to me? i guess in part it's because her death signifies the end of a childhood dream. i love her music, yes, and i loved her fiesty spirit, her ability to articulate herself and present herself as so very poised and graceful. i remember that whitney houston was the first adult woman i thought beautiful.
i've always known my mother is pretty - okay she has bone structure i would kill for and is very graceful - but as a kid that didn't really sink in for me. what did was whitney's album cover. i remember my mother bringing it home and being so excited and i saw that picture and i remember thinking that the lady on the cover was so beautiful, that she must be what angels look like. she was what angels had to sound like too. and she was an angel who kinda looked like me. that was really important - she was a black woman who i thought was beautiful.
a few years before her first album was released i remember being called a n****r for the first time. i was four years old, and the little boy had brown hair and blue eyes and i thought he was pretty. he couldn't have been much older than me. he was with his mom and i was with mine and we were walking down a hill in san francisco and he said, "mommy what's those n****rs doing out here?" i had never seen my mother go so still so fast. her lips drew into a thin line and she shot a look of such fury at the boy's mother that i was scared of her. she pulled me away and we walked some more and i asked her what that word meant. she told me it was a bad word for black people and people who use that word are ignorant and i should stay away from them.
my parents have always made it a point to fill our home with dolls, books and positive images of black people. they wanted us as children to understand that there was nothing wrong about us or the colour of our skin. i thought whitney was the most beautiful woman i'd ever seen and i wanted to be like her when i grew up. i wanted to be beautiful so no one would say mean hurtful things to me. i was sure that no one ever called her a n****r. i was probably wrong about that. i heard that word directed at me more times than i care to count by ignorant adults and their brainwashed children. i'm sure whitney had her own struggles.
i was not happy when she married bobby brown. he was my least fav member of new edition. and i LOVED new edition. i thought he was unworthy of her. i still do. as the years passed and rumours about drug use and addiction grew i became sad that my angel had fallen to earth. i didn't understand why no one would stop it and help her. i know now she didn't want to be helped, and that breaks my heart.
i still believe whitney had more to offer the world. and now that she's an angel for real i hope her life will inspire other little girls - to be beautiful and confident in who they are. to blaze a trail through the world. to say NO to drugs. to be angels on earth.
goodbye, whitney - somnus per pacis in orbis terrarum. vos erant diligo. vos ero diligo.
so what is it about whitney's death at age 48 that's so disturbing to me? i guess in part it's because her death signifies the end of a childhood dream. i love her music, yes, and i loved her fiesty spirit, her ability to articulate herself and present herself as so very poised and graceful. i remember that whitney houston was the first adult woman i thought beautiful.
i've always known my mother is pretty - okay she has bone structure i would kill for and is very graceful - but as a kid that didn't really sink in for me. what did was whitney's album cover. i remember my mother bringing it home and being so excited and i saw that picture and i remember thinking that the lady on the cover was so beautiful, that she must be what angels look like. she was what angels had to sound like too. and she was an angel who kinda looked like me. that was really important - she was a black woman who i thought was beautiful.
a few years before her first album was released i remember being called a n****r for the first time. i was four years old, and the little boy had brown hair and blue eyes and i thought he was pretty. he couldn't have been much older than me. he was with his mom and i was with mine and we were walking down a hill in san francisco and he said, "mommy what's those n****rs doing out here?" i had never seen my mother go so still so fast. her lips drew into a thin line and she shot a look of such fury at the boy's mother that i was scared of her. she pulled me away and we walked some more and i asked her what that word meant. she told me it was a bad word for black people and people who use that word are ignorant and i should stay away from them.
my parents have always made it a point to fill our home with dolls, books and positive images of black people. they wanted us as children to understand that there was nothing wrong about us or the colour of our skin. i thought whitney was the most beautiful woman i'd ever seen and i wanted to be like her when i grew up. i wanted to be beautiful so no one would say mean hurtful things to me. i was sure that no one ever called her a n****r. i was probably wrong about that. i heard that word directed at me more times than i care to count by ignorant adults and their brainwashed children. i'm sure whitney had her own struggles.
i was not happy when she married bobby brown. he was my least fav member of new edition. and i LOVED new edition. i thought he was unworthy of her. i still do. as the years passed and rumours about drug use and addiction grew i became sad that my angel had fallen to earth. i didn't understand why no one would stop it and help her. i know now she didn't want to be helped, and that breaks my heart.
i still believe whitney had more to offer the world. and now that she's an angel for real i hope her life will inspire other little girls - to be beautiful and confident in who they are. to blaze a trail through the world. to say NO to drugs. to be angels on earth.
goodbye, whitney - somnus per pacis in orbis terrarum. vos erant diligo. vos ero diligo.
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