WHY ????... SO MANY THINGS I DON\'T UNDERSTAND !

I just don't get it ! IF I make Him SO MISERABLE, then WHY is He STILL HERE ????!!!!I'm FED UP with His ABUSE ! He MUST know that by now, I would think ! IF He doesn't realize that, then He's BLIND, AND STUPID ! LOL I'm so SICK AND TIRED of His LIES at this Point, that I tell Myself that I don't think I'd care ONE BIT IF He LEFT ME TOMORROW for that ONLINE SLUT - now calling Herself, " MISTRESS JULIE ", on TAGGED.COM ! She USED TO be just " JULIE M ", but I have the Feeling that either HE told Her to change that so I wouldn't notice that She's STILL on His Tagged.com Friends List, OR maybe She felt that She HAD TO change it because She had OTHER Guy's GFS coming after Her Online ! Either One... doesn't matter... the FACT remains that She's STILL on His Tagged.com Site, and I KNOW FOR A FACT that He's STILL sending Messages to Her !!!!! NOT just " Innocent " Friendly messages, mind you, BUT VERY EXPLICIT Sexual Messages !... Ones that SHOULD NOT be sent to ANYONE ELSE BUT ME since I'm His GF ! WHY He felt the Need to LIE to Me, I don't understand ?.... WHY He thought that He'd actually get AWAY with it ?... I don't get at all !!!!! HE DEFINITELY UNDERESTIMATES ME, THAT'S FOR SURE !!!! You'd think... even though Our " Relationship " - such as it is - has been ON AND OFF... a big part of it, OFF... for OVER 4 YEARS NOW, that FINALLY He'd really understand ME ! But, NOPE !!!! Obviously He doesn't have a CLUE as to how determined I can get when I want to find out the TRUTH ! I told Him BEFORE I took Him BACK YET AGAIN, this Last Time, that I DID NOT WANT ANY MORE LIES !!!!! Of course, He SWORE that He would NEVER LIE TO ME AGAIN !!!! LOL WHY DID I BELIEVE HIM ????? I guess deep down I knew He would LIE AGAIN, but I wanted SO BADLY to believe Him !I wanted SO BADLY to believe that He'd be FAITHFUL TO ME this Time.... AND NOT BE VERBALLY, OR PHYSICALLY, ABUSIVE towards Me THIS TIME ! I was SO WRONG on ALL COUNTS !!!!! I can see this clearly now. BUT Knowing it, and DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT, are 2 entirely different Things, as much as so many would think it'd be EASY ! YESTERDAY.... WAS HORRIBLE !!!! IT FELT LIKE IT WAS ... " ATTACK ME DAY "... or something... because He was on an ALL-OUT RAMPAGE to tear Me down ANY WAY that He could !He tore apart Our " Relationship " - IF I can really call it that anymore - and He started picking it apart. OF COURSE... EVERYTHING that's gone WRONG IS MY FAULT !IF ONLY.... I WOULD DO ' THIS DIFFERENT '... OR ' THAT DIFFERENT '.... THEN EVERYTHING WOULD BE ' OKAY ' BETWEEN US !!!! That's such a LOAD OF GARBAGE !!!!! I tried to REASON with Him about this, BUT the MORE I tried to speak to Him REASONABLY the MORE He put EVERYTHING ON ME..... AND KEPT HAMMERING AWAY AT ME... TELLING ME HOW I'M SUCH A FAILURE AT VARIOUS THINGS ! IF ONLY I would DO EXACTLY AS HE WANTS ME TO DO, THEN EVERYTHING WOULD BE OKAY !!!!! I told Him ... I've ALREADY EXPLAINED TO HIM.... ESPECIALLY ABOUT" ONE THING " in Particular.... that I'd EXPLAINED that I CAN'T DO !!!!.... YET... HE STILL KEEP PUSHES ME.... AND KEEPS TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE AN UTTER FAILURE IF I DON'T DO IT " FOR HIM " !!!!! HE EVEN HAD THE NERVE TO THROW UP IN MY FACE.... YET AGAIN... THAT HIS EX-GF WOULD DO IT FOR HIM !!!!!.... THAT SHE WAS ' ABLE ' TO DO IT !!!!I tried to REASON with Him, and I told Him that IF He TRULY LOVED ME, then He would ACCEPT that I CAN'T DO THAT, and just let it be !!!!!.... that He'd STILL LOVE ME despite that ONE THING ! HE just came back and said that " YOU JUST WON'T TRY ! YOU'D RATHER JUST SAY YOU CAN'T DO IT !... AND REFUSE TO DO IT ! " THAT'S NOT IT AT ALL... I TOLD HIM.... BUT HE JUST WENT BACK TO HIS HAMMERING AWAY AT ME... TRYING HIS HARDEST TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE AN UTTER FAILURE !!!!! In Case You're Wondering.... Yes, I am talking about something a Couple does in the Bedroom.... BUT the WAY He wants to do this One Particular Activity is VERY SPECIFIC, and UNLESS I was able to take MY TEETH  OUT - IF I HAD DENTURES, then there's NO WAY that I can do it the WAY that He wants Me too !!!!!! It's embarressing to mention on here, but it's ONE of the MAJOR Issues that causes Big Arguements between Him and I !!!!! HE WON'T HEAR OF ANY COMPROMISE.... HE WON'T SEE CLEAR TO DOING IT IN A DIFFERENT WAY... WHERE I WOULD BE ABLE TO AT LEAST SOMEWHAT DO IT... BUT I'D STILL BE ' OKAY '.... BUT.... AS FAR AS ANYTHING GOES in the Bedroom, it's HIS WAY or NO WAY !!!!!So from this ARGUEMENT we had Yesterday, it's left Me feeling EXTREMELY INSECURE, and I'm wondering even MORE about this Woman He's been contacting through TAGGED.COM !!!! Call it Women's Instinct, I guess, but I have a Gut Feeling that He might LEAVE ME for HER sometime in the Upcoming Future ! Whether that will ACTUALLY HAPPEN, OR NOT.... TIME WILL TELL... BUT the BIG QUESTION, I suppose, is WHY should I even CARE IF HE DOES ?????I still Love Him... at least that's what I tell Myself... BUT I'm SO TIRED OF HIS LIES... AND HIS ABUSE !!!! I just don't know... I don't know what I should feel anymore.I don't know.Getting UPSET about His CHATTING AND MAJOR FLIRTING with Other Women ONLINE does Me NO GOOD AT ALL, since He just KEEPS ON DOING IT !!!!!! So WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE ME ? WHAT DO I DO ? OH GOD... I WISH I KNEW !I wish I had the Courage to tell Him to LEAVE ! It's going to have to come down to that, I suppose.... since this is MY PLACE, and NOT HIS !