WHY OH WHY

I am 61 years old, my mother and sister were killed when I was 11, they were in a car wreck.  My little sister and I was home alone, two of my uncles and 1 AUNT came in the middle of the night and woke us up to tell us that there was a wreck, our mom and sister were dead, my dad was in the hospital and they were hit by a semi.  This happened September 15th, 1967.  My moms birthday is/was September 17th.  So this is a hard time of year for me, STILL.  My father was alcoholic and verbally and physically abusive, he used to tell me I was no good, I would never amount to anything, I would never have a good life, never have my own home.  Pretty much that I was worthless.  to this day I have a fear of failure, and I feel like I am doing just that right now.