Why Is It So Important?
Why do I want so badly to please people......to feel like I belong somewhere........to feel loved.......wanted.....sexy?
Probably because i have spent my whole life trying to please everyone else....at the expense of myself. The sense of belonging I imagine is because of being plopped in the center of a "family" who quietly kept to themselves. I would still feel very isolated .......still do more often than not.
I have learned alot over the years and as I did I would allow myself to open up and reach out a little more. I want to share with others...and I want to learn their stories and struggles.....and I have. I do finally feel a part of the entire human race and , as I step back, i see many instances where i have accomplished something and made a difference in others lives. (After all, isn't that what life is all about .....reaching out and touching other lives while we are here?)
With the help of MANY kind, caring people I have been lucky enough to come across (quite a few here on DS)....I am finally silencing all the cruel, hateful messages I heard so long ago from a very f**ed up family member or two (at least 95% of the time...which is progress for me)I am looking forward to having my life back and getting more comfortable with (and finally accepting) ME (just as I am ) in my own skin. (No longer beating myself up for all that I am not, but trying to embrace the things I am)
I still cannot explain why I still feel an empty ache.....I have read of others who KNEW they would not rest until they found happiness to complete their families...and they did. I have also read many advise me that another person's love cannot complete you. So I have to wonder what is my story? I can feel content....but seem to always have this ache that can't be filled. (I just feel like one of my last pieces of my puzzle is missing.....the one where i finally find someone special to share the love and passion I feel bursting inside aching to come out.)
Maybe I am still f**ed up after all? :(
Replies
Your very first sentence caught my notice. It reminded of Maslow's hiarchy of needs. The need for love and belonging is critically important for all of us. Looking at this might give you a clue as to what your missing in her life that leaves a hole.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs
I used to feel like something was missing. For me it turned out to be a professional mis-match. I spent my entire like working as a psychiatric social worker and kept telling myself helping others was what I was meant to do. To a certain extent it made me happy, but I never got to fully express my creative side.
Fast forward, I did a switch up towards the end of my career and now I'm a writer. I get to literally define my reality by creating worlds where anything is possible. I love some of the characters I write better than most of the people in my life. Kidding, but not by much. I'm also a graphic design artist. Everything else stayed the same in my life. Since I no longer have the hole, I know expressing myself creatively filled the hole.
If only I had realized that simple fact years ago, I could have had a much happier life. I kept thinking my relationships were off or something of that nature. Don't know if that helps, but that's my story.
Nope that sense of self reliance is what rings from your post to my mind. Of course my mind is from that very f$$ked place as well but is learning new ways to just enjoy “me” without answering to another. And having a bit of fun in the process.
This season is for giving and if that giving us back to oneself then you’ve gotten a gift you’ll really appreciate because self improvement is what life’s about after all. If you’re not climbing the hill then you’re on top or over the hill. I like the climb and riding the wave, there’s another ripple in my life but eventually my pond will become still, just not for now. GD the unchatty 1.
Thank you both.
Indeed we all have an underlying need to be loved. But in order to truly benefit from received love one must feel secure in one's love for self. With or without a man, you are a wonderful person. You are kind, sensitive, and self-sacrificing for the well-being of others. The world is a better place with you in it. Own this. Know it as truth within your heart. Then allow love to come to you without trying to force it into a preconceived mold of what form you want it to take. Find a way to acknowledge your self-worth every day. Bless you, Veggiequeen.
@idontmakeherhappyenuf.... Thank you for those kind words. I do finally realize and believe them.
In all my discovery and realization and openness with others, I have come across a few times where I did grow attached to a man who would seem to say all the right things....only to come to realize I was being played. It does shake my trust. With others advice and insight, I have learned to be more cautious. In the same respect, I have recently been chatting with another man who I am more inclined to trust (was actually planning to fly to visit) But as time has gone by, even though he seems to want the happy ending, something is off. He did not start out wanting to learn and share all the details of both of ours, more focusing on reactions to circumstances. Even now, we rarely chat about much of anything. I feel like it was more like a job interview.....and I believe it is one I do not want
One thing he has done for me is to reconnect me to my faith. That being said, "Let go and let God" and "Thy will be done" are both sometimes a little hard for me. (I believe I would benefit from a Catholic Nun smacking my knuckles with a ruler as I did try to snatch things back...fearing God may be too busy or He may have a different plan for me I was afraid I wouldn't like)
I do believe I still have a bit more work with my trust issues? lol
Thank you again. :)
I think it is human nature to want to be accepted. When we do something and get a smile, it lifts the spirit. Most of the time if we don't get a "smile" of acceptance, it is the other persons problem, not ours.