WHY is all I Want to Know

I just want to know why,why did this happen to me and my kids? It makes no sense. He was 47,not 87, How can this be real? If it's a nightmare,then why don't I wake up?Am I in a coma somewhere and living this life while Im in a coma?I wish I could understand. My sister say's that when you are born that God already knows the date of your death and that he was suppose to die that day and that no matter what I could have done different,or how we could have changed thing's that day that he still would have died because God called him home.But, I keep wondering if he had taken the heart medicine and other medicine like he should have,would it have made a difference?Could he have been saved if he had not been in MS moving stuff,instead been here in TN where we have decent doctor's,would it have helped? I just wish that he was with us where he should be, How can we possibly go on without him? We are constantly upset over being sure that we can get by,right now we have 5 dollars to put gas in the car and that's it,Have to wait till 1st on everything,suppose to be moving out of this rattrap apt. other 2 checks do not come till the 3rd,the woman we are suppose to rent from has never rented before and can't make up her mind on anything,she suppose to had a lease done last wk and we still don't know that we are going to be able to get it,I hate having to rent,we had our own house,but lost it cause I can't afford to pay 1328 month.So we have no choice but to rent.might just as well take 600 a mth and throw it down the toliet.Oh dear God,all these changes, I just can't handle it!I know I'm going to have to get a job when I lose 982 a month cause my daughter turns 16,then I won't get ss till I turn 60,thats 12 and a half yrs away.I have noexperience doing much,Pat made good money driving a truck,I'm use to 800 a wk bring home and our son's ssi at 674,we had plenty to live on,now we are doing good if we have enough to eat and put gas in the car.We don't really do anything but sit here and the kid's hate it and so do I.We were use to going to Gatlinburg,Pigeon Forge,over to N Carolina,KY VA,alway's going places and doing thing's together.All that ended on August 1,and like I said all I want is to know WHY?