why I'm waiting...

His letters are beautiful and sad too. He talks about his days. He tells me how much he appreciates me. How much he cares for me. He's making plans for the future. What if there's no future besides the jail walls? What if his charges are what he has to accept? He's not a criminal. He has kids with a woman bent on ruining his life. A man killed himself in the jail he is at. He was served divorce papers the day before his death. Some of the guys there don't have anyone writing them or calling them. My guy has me. He knows how special we are to each other. He has told me that I don't have to wait if I can't. He says he'll understand. No matter how much this hurts me, I'll never leave him. I'm here waiting for him. Its rough. I have bad days. I have good days. I cry often. I think of him there and this has nearly been an entire month we have been apart for the first time in three years. He means everything to me. His letters and phone calls are what keep me going. My kids miss him. I'm busy talking to lawyers and none of them have any good news. Some won't do payment arrangements. I'm frustrated with this entire thing! I just want him home with me. He is brave and courageous. He says my letters have made him want to cry but he can't fall into despair. Seeing a man kill himself and seeing the no hope and no way out hasn't killed his spirits. He looks for me to write him. He enjoys our calls. Now I'm trying to get him to want me to come visit. I ask and request and demand. I put it in bold letters to send me the application. He's worth waiting for. When I'm with him its like the whole world is oblivious. There's just the two of us. He makes me laugh even when he writes me. He tries to cheer me up, even though he's the one in jail. He knows about all the things I'm doing for him and that I'm waiting for him to come home to me. If only we could just get past this rough road...