Why I'm happy
I changed my emotion to excellent today. It started yesterday. My DH has been gone since March 31, 2010. Right after he passed, I knew a few things:
1) I'd have to rely on God completly to get through it.
2) I'd never stop missing my husband.
3) I needed to let go of who I was.
Who I was: Wife, stepmother, grandmother, salesperson.
But I could no longer be the wife and that hurt most of all. I decided at that point to reinvent myself. I would redecorate, change my weight, change my hair--in other words, I would embrace the woman I was to become.
Yesterday, I took a turn for the better. The furniture arrived and the decorators placed it just right. And as I stood there, looking at the furniture, I realized I'd begun to emerge. I was looking at a room that was not a part of my past. I was looking at my future. And the future woman would live here(I'm moving in a month). And the future woman would travel and enjoy life. And I was just getting a glimpse of her but it made me smile.
When I got home, a Trojan was waiting for me on the computer. As soon as I realized I'd lost all computer access, I felt my sprits start to fall. My husband wouldn't be here to fix it. I was alone. It made me sad, and then I remembered the woman I'd glimpsed earlier--my future self. And I sat down and fixed the problem because I had no other choice. I came to realize that I couldn't fix it before because I didn't have to. My husband was happy to do it when he had time, but I was always as capable in computers as he. We were equal in that area.
Today, I'm excellent. And my future self is smiling big time.
1) I'd have to rely on God completly to get through it.
2) I'd never stop missing my husband.
3) I needed to let go of who I was.
Who I was: Wife, stepmother, grandmother, salesperson.
But I could no longer be the wife and that hurt most of all. I decided at that point to reinvent myself. I would redecorate, change my weight, change my hair--in other words, I would embrace the woman I was to become.
Yesterday, I took a turn for the better. The furniture arrived and the decorators placed it just right. And as I stood there, looking at the furniture, I realized I'd begun to emerge. I was looking at a room that was not a part of my past. I was looking at my future. And the future woman would live here(I'm moving in a month). And the future woman would travel and enjoy life. And I was just getting a glimpse of her but it made me smile.
When I got home, a Trojan was waiting for me on the computer. As soon as I realized I'd lost all computer access, I felt my sprits start to fall. My husband wouldn't be here to fix it. I was alone. It made me sad, and then I remembered the woman I'd glimpsed earlier--my future self. And I sat down and fixed the problem because I had no other choice. I came to realize that I couldn't fix it before because I didn't have to. My husband was happy to do it when he had time, but I was always as capable in computers as he. We were equal in that area.
Today, I'm excellent. And my future self is smiling big time.
Replies
How wonderfully uplifting your post is. I long to get to that point - being so raw and not even a month, I just don\'t see it. However, seeing it through you gives me hope. Thank you so much for sharing and giving us a glimpse of what we too can be. Best wishes and God Bless
Pam
EXCELLENT! Wonderful post! I think the \"new\" woman is already here -- not just in the future! Joely
Good for you I think this to be inspiring! You are right we are our future!
Take care God Bless,
Donale
Download you a copy of Ubuntu 10.04 (current version)...burn it to a CD...and reboot your PC. You\'ll be up and running anytime of the day or night...virus and Trojan horse free.
Windows is a ridiculous operating system.
I am impressed. You got rid of a Trojan? I would not know where to begin. I guess I would have to take the computer in or phone my friend in Seattle and let her talk me through. The second option is probably the best otherwise I will never learn. There are so many things that John did that I wish I would have let him teach me. It is not that I can\'t do them, it is that I don\'t know how. I am learning though and am surprised at what I can do.
I am glad that you are working on being that future woman. Sometimes I see glimpses of that myself. That was part of the reason for acquiring the motor home, just to prove to myself that I CAN. It is a positive step to gain the confidence in ourselves that we so desperately need.
I am impressed. You got rid of a Trojan? I would not know where to begin. I guess I would have to take the computer in or phone my friend in Seattle and let her talk me through. The second option is probably the best otherwise I will never learn. There are so many things that John did that I wish I would have let him teach me. It is not that I can\'t do them, it is that I don\'t know how. I am learning though and am surprised at what I can do.
I am glad that you are working on being that future woman. Sometimes I see glimpses of that myself. That was part of the reason for acquiring the motor home, just to prove to myself that I CAN. It is a positive step to gain the confidence in ourselves that we so desperately need.
Very uplifting and inspiring. Do be prepared for the low times because grief has a mind of its own. I am planning to travel to, since there is nothing now to hold me back. Found a great women\'s travel group and have been researching it. 2011 here I come.
Some days I feel like this too. Then, sometimes, as jerseydebbie points out the low times come. I think I am starting to get a little more used to them and therefore better prepared. I can also glimpse the future me occasionally, but can\'t quite make out what she will be. I agree with all 3 of your points. Letting go is the hardest part, but we will get there one step at a time.
Good job. We are all learning how to walk again. You are a good model for all of us Thanks
Malia
Great to see where you\'re at - how encouraging to catch a glimpse of the new woman you\'re becoming and actually use your future self to inspire your present self! Hugs to you.
Gail