Why I'm happy
I changed my emotion to excellent today. It started yesterday. My DH has been gone since March 31, 2010. Right after he passed, I knew a few things:
1) I'd have to rely on God completly to get through it.
2) I'd never stop missing my husband.
3) I needed to let go of who I was.
Who I was: Wife, stepmother, grandmother, salesperson.
But I could no longer be the wife and that hurt most of all. I decided at that point to reinvent myself. I would redecorate, change my weight, change my hair--in other words, I would embrace the woman I was to become.
Yesterday, I took a turn for the better. The furniture arrived and the decorators placed it just right. And as I stood there, looking at the furniture, I realized I'd begun to emerge. I was looking at a room that was not a part of my past. I was looking at my future. And the future woman would live here(I'm moving in a month). And the future woman would travel and enjoy life. And I was just getting a glimpse of her but it made me smile.
When I got home, a Trojan was waiting for me on the computer. As soon as I realized I'd lost all computer access, I felt my sprits start to fall. My husband wouldn't be here to fix it. I was alone. It made me sad, and then I remembered the woman I'd glimpsed earlier--my future self. And I sat down and fixed the problem because I had no other choice. I came to realize that I couldn't fix it before because I didn't have to. My husband was happy to do it when he had time, but I was always as capable in computers as he. We were equal in that area.
Today, I'm excellent. And my future self is smiling big time.
1) I'd have to rely on God completly to get through it.
2) I'd never stop missing my husband.
3) I needed to let go of who I was.
Who I was: Wife, stepmother, grandmother, salesperson.
But I could no longer be the wife and that hurt most of all. I decided at that point to reinvent myself. I would redecorate, change my weight, change my hair--in other words, I would embrace the woman I was to become.
Yesterday, I took a turn for the better. The furniture arrived and the decorators placed it just right. And as I stood there, looking at the furniture, I realized I'd begun to emerge. I was looking at a room that was not a part of my past. I was looking at my future. And the future woman would live here(I'm moving in a month). And the future woman would travel and enjoy life. And I was just getting a glimpse of her but it made me smile.
When I got home, a Trojan was waiting for me on the computer. As soon as I realized I'd lost all computer access, I felt my sprits start to fall. My husband wouldn't be here to fix it. I was alone. It made me sad, and then I remembered the woman I'd glimpsed earlier--my future self. And I sat down and fixed the problem because I had no other choice. I came to realize that I couldn't fix it before because I didn't have to. My husband was happy to do it when he had time, but I was always as capable in computers as he. We were equal in that area.
Today, I'm excellent. And my future self is smiling big time.
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