Why I feel set adrift and How I now have to start over
After years of unmanaged pain, I found a wonderful doctor by the name of John Harney. He had a positive attitude and new ideas about how to help me. After much trial and error, we found a combination that not only help me feel better but even allowed me to go back to work at least part-time. I was able to begin each day with a very real possibility that I would not end up on the bathroom floor or lying flat in bed after only a few hours of activity. I could get my boys (One of which has special needs) up and off to school without adult help This was a desperately needed miracle seeing as how my husband of 10 yrs had left for work one morning and never returned. I could work for at least half a day. I could come home to help with homework, cook dinner, and end with the night time ritual of baths and bedtime. I was out with family and friends instead of hearing about it second hand when everyone returned home.
Then with the free falling economy, everything fell apart. The company I had worked with for almost 6 years closed down. I lost my insurance and with it, a large part of my treatment plan. I could still see Dr. Harney as a cash pay patient, but as my income was reduce to almost $0, I struggled to continue my visists. I found myself sliding further and further back to my old cycle of unrelenting pain. To add to the problem, my pain would cause my blood pressure to rise to a dangerous level, which caused an even more severe migraine, then that pain response would cause my blood pressure to soar into the stroke range. What medical coverage I had would not pay for doctor visits or in office procedures but would cover hospitalizations. Even though I had first met Dr. Harney while hospitalized, he refused to admit me to the hospital when my pain had gotten to the point that nothing else would break the cycle. My pain threshhold was so high that on 2 different occasions, I apparently had a heart attack and did not notice as I could not distinguish that pain from all my other. The damage to the heart was later found on a stress tests/echos/ekgs.
And now upon calling into the doctor's office for my monthly prescriptions (for which patients are charged a cash only fee, even if they have been seen in the office recently) I was told that the previous months scripts were to be my last. These meds are the only thing that keep my blood pressure relatively managed and keeps me out of the ER. The last being an absolute must, as we all know how pain patients are treated in the ER, Right? So now I must struggle day to day without meds, attempting to find another doctor or clinic. All while trying to keep heart attacks and strokes at bay. I haven't slept in days but at least that gives me time to search the web; trying to find help, support, advice, anything to keep the darkness that tempts me to just give up, at bay. If it weren't for my 2 wonderful boys living here with me, I fear that I would; not that I am not suicidal, but rather somewhat ambivilent about my life. I had hoped never to find myself in this dark place again. I could use a hug, but as the commercial says, I know its going to hurt.
Then with the free falling economy, everything fell apart. The company I had worked with for almost 6 years closed down. I lost my insurance and with it, a large part of my treatment plan. I could still see Dr. Harney as a cash pay patient, but as my income was reduce to almost $0, I struggled to continue my visists. I found myself sliding further and further back to my old cycle of unrelenting pain. To add to the problem, my pain would cause my blood pressure to rise to a dangerous level, which caused an even more severe migraine, then that pain response would cause my blood pressure to soar into the stroke range. What medical coverage I had would not pay for doctor visits or in office procedures but would cover hospitalizations. Even though I had first met Dr. Harney while hospitalized, he refused to admit me to the hospital when my pain had gotten to the point that nothing else would break the cycle. My pain threshhold was so high that on 2 different occasions, I apparently had a heart attack and did not notice as I could not distinguish that pain from all my other. The damage to the heart was later found on a stress tests/echos/ekgs.
And now upon calling into the doctor's office for my monthly prescriptions (for which patients are charged a cash only fee, even if they have been seen in the office recently) I was told that the previous months scripts were to be my last. These meds are the only thing that keep my blood pressure relatively managed and keeps me out of the ER. The last being an absolute must, as we all know how pain patients are treated in the ER, Right? So now I must struggle day to day without meds, attempting to find another doctor or clinic. All while trying to keep heart attacks and strokes at bay. I haven't slept in days but at least that gives me time to search the web; trying to find help, support, advice, anything to keep the darkness that tempts me to just give up, at bay. If it weren't for my 2 wonderful boys living here with me, I fear that I would; not that I am not suicidal, but rather somewhat ambivilent about my life. I had hoped never to find myself in this dark place again. I could use a hug, but as the commercial says, I know its going to hurt.
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