WHY I AM I LETTING GAMBLING RUIN MY LIFE?

I HAVE BEEN ADDICTED TO GAMBLING REALLY HEAVY NOW FOR 6 YEARS. THE SLOTS AND SCRATCH OFF TICKETS ARE MY CHOICE OF GAMBLING. I LIVE IN MARYLAND, I SELF-EXCLUDED MYSELF FROM A DELAWARE CASINO, AND ONE IN MARYLAND. NOW I AM DRIVING TO WEST VIRGINIA AND GAMBLING AT THAT CASINO. ITS GETTING WORSE AND WORSE, I JUST GOT PAID FRIDAY (I HAD A NICE FAT CHECK BECAUSE I WORKED ALOT OF OVERTIME). I SAID I WAS GOING TO SEND OUT ALL MY BILLS THAT I DID. BUT BECAUSE I WENT TO THE CASINO THIS WEEKEND, AND LOST 70% OF MY MONEY. I AM TERRIFIED BECAUSE I KNOW THOSE CHECKS ARE GOING TO BOUNCE AND I GONNA GET CHARGED BANK FEES YET AGAIN. I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO TURN? I WANT TO GO TO A GA MEETING, BUT WILL THAT REALLY HELP ME...BECAUSE I SUFFER FROM ANXIETY I CHANGE MY MIND WHEN I KNOW I SHOULD DRIVE TO A MEETING. NO ONE KNOWS HOW BAD MY ADDICTION IS, SO I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS INWARD AND CAN'T TALK TO ANYONE AT WORK ABOUT THIS,,,I CAN'T TELL ANYONE I TRUST I FEEL LIKE I WILL BE JUDGED.... AS WELL I SHOULD. THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT HERE CAN'T FIND A JOB NO MONEY. I HAVE A JOB AND WHAT DO I DO? BLOW IT AWAY AT THE CASINO AND NOT PAY MY BILLS...SO STUPID, JUST UNCOMPREHENDIBLE