why does life have to be so complicated?

I don't know why I'm here but it feel's like the only place I can put my thoughts down. It's going on four years since I came out and I I still haven't been in a relationship. I put myself out there and nothing happens. It's easy for me to make friends online but so hard in the real world. I have some great friends whom I wishes lived near me but no chance of that. Finding a guy to date or even to just hang out with in NY has been a challenged for. I have no friends here and feel so lost. With it being four years I now find myself suffering from depression. I haven't gotten checked out yet but that is what is feels like. Until my insurance kicks back in it's a waiting game. I take it day by and at times I don't even know how I get through the days at work. I try to keep positive and talk it out with the people I do have in my life and it helps but it's just a temporary fix. I want to do so many things go back to school, get a different job and find that special someone. This feeling what ever it is brings me down and I hate it.
 
Anyone feel free to comment