why does it hurt so bad

Hello,

I am new here and this is my first post! As of Monday 5/1/17 i officially ended my on again off again relationship of 6 years. I found out he was cheating on me in May of 2014 and at that point i broke it off and changed my number in an effort to start a new. After a year of him contacting me through my aunt I decided to give it another try.  Things were good for a several months. He has a bad temper and started to make me feel like my kids and I had to walk on eggshells. In April of 2016 was the first time he got physical with me. My heart was so broken I cried all night. He promised to NEVER put his hands on me again and about a month later he did it again. He wouldn't punch however he would slap , grab my neck throw me on the floor, poor water in my face while i was laying down and even call me fat b**** mind you I'm about 135 pounds 5 '2". I ended filing an assault charge on him last summer. He was apologetic and asked if we could work it out and he bought an engagement ring.  Fast forward to February of this year he bit me in my face threw his phone and hit me in my forehead bruised my arms and threw me down. And the final physical incident was this past weekend. He pushed me over the coach and i flipped backwards landing on my stomach. This brought tears to my eyes thinking why does he get pleasure out of hurting me. He was not remorseful and told me I was a drama queen making a big deal out of nothing. He blames me and says I cause him to do those things when i make him mad. He has no respect for me and I know n that's not what God wants for me. It just hurts so much. I truly love him and i must face the reality that he doesn't love me the same. He didn't even apologize that hurts. How do I let go? I know he has another woman already but why do I care. It's like I want him to want me and love me but he DOESN'T. Please help. I NEED and WANT to put this behind me. I don't want to love him