Why do we allow it?
I'm sad, thinking that yes, these abusers are horrible. But why have we allowed them to stay in our lives?
When I read other's stories, I see how dreams and confidence are stolen by these abusive people. When did we give up our power?
I know I did. And even though I left, I still question a lot of things. I still wonder if he was right about some of the bad things he said about me.
But why did I even take any crap in the first place? Why did I marry him the next day, when he insisted on going out to a bachelor party the night before (last minute) when we'd both agreed to not do a bachelor/bachelorette parties (because we were eloping, and we'd decided to keep it a surprise from everyone). But he told his friends, so they took him out, but I hadn't told my friends...so I sat home alone while he was god knows where. The funny thing was, his friends had intended that I go as well, and kept asking where I was -- so he was embarassed I think, and kept texting me to go out. I stayed home and cried.
But why did I get on the plane and go marry him the next day? I could have moved out. I guess part of it was that I had already moved in with him, and finding apartments here is tough. I knew it might be 6 months before I could find another apartment, and it scared me.
So I guess I married him instead. How sad.
When did I trade in my self respect? When did all of us?
I'm doing much better now, but I still have moments like this where I question these things.
I see a common thread where many of us are not financially stable also. And I think this makes it easier for people to pray on us. So I think we all need to make it a goal to improve our situation for the better.
I know I do.
I also see a lot of us don't believe in ourselves. I know I don't a lot of the time. So I guess we need to really SEE ourselves, not as bad people have made us sound, but how we truly are. And that can be scary to see sometimes.
Perhaps it's easier to see ourselves as not good enough, than to accept that we are. Because then we have to do things differently, and that can be scary.
When I read other's stories, I see how dreams and confidence are stolen by these abusive people. When did we give up our power?
I know I did. And even though I left, I still question a lot of things. I still wonder if he was right about some of the bad things he said about me.
But why did I even take any crap in the first place? Why did I marry him the next day, when he insisted on going out to a bachelor party the night before (last minute) when we'd both agreed to not do a bachelor/bachelorette parties (because we were eloping, and we'd decided to keep it a surprise from everyone). But he told his friends, so they took him out, but I hadn't told my friends...so I sat home alone while he was god knows where. The funny thing was, his friends had intended that I go as well, and kept asking where I was -- so he was embarassed I think, and kept texting me to go out. I stayed home and cried.
But why did I get on the plane and go marry him the next day? I could have moved out. I guess part of it was that I had already moved in with him, and finding apartments here is tough. I knew it might be 6 months before I could find another apartment, and it scared me.
So I guess I married him instead. How sad.
When did I trade in my self respect? When did all of us?
I'm doing much better now, but I still have moments like this where I question these things.
I see a common thread where many of us are not financially stable also. And I think this makes it easier for people to pray on us. So I think we all need to make it a goal to improve our situation for the better.
I know I do.
I also see a lot of us don't believe in ourselves. I know I don't a lot of the time. So I guess we need to really SEE ourselves, not as bad people have made us sound, but how we truly are. And that can be scary to see sometimes.
Perhaps it's easier to see ourselves as not good enough, than to accept that we are. Because then we have to do things differently, and that can be scary.
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