Why do I have this dumb cell phone
Why do I let her text me? Even though I love her beyond life, I seem to get so hurt behind this all the time.
Everything is my fault. I made her leave, I made her commit adultery, I am making her life miserable. And she even thinks I am having a steady life now. I still feel like I am hanging on the edge of a cliff without anything but my hope.
Everything is my fault. I made her leave, I made her commit adultery, I am making her life miserable. And she even thinks I am having a steady life now. I still feel like I am hanging on the edge of a cliff without anything but my hope.
Replies
I hope you don\'t feel that way about things being your fault. I hope that you are only repeating what she said.
Because its not true.
Yes you worked away. Yes you got called out on emergencies. Yes you own your share of responsibility for any communication breakdowns.
But no, you did not cause her to cheat. You did not cause her to commit adultery. She made choices not to communicate with you. She made choices to communicate with her child molesting ex. She made choices to behave reprehensibly and put your child at risk with this guy who will hurt another child if he gets a chance.
You are not to blame for how things played out.
I hope you don\'t feel this is harsh. I am a year past where you are today. I have a perspective now that I didn\'t have less than a month after she walked out the door.
You might not want advice right now. You might just want someone to hear you. If that\'s the case my friend, just let me know.
I know you still love her right now, but those feelings fade. They fade faster if you do not have contact. Once the feelings fade, you will see her for the person she has become, rather than the fantasy you have in your head about who she was.
Send her a message. \"I will no longer accept any communication with you that is not specifically about the business of divorce, our about our child.\"
If you have a lawyer, make it \"I will no longer accept any communication from you directly. Send all communication to my lawyer.\"
Then if she contacts you, just delete it. Unless the contact is something you can use in your divorce to protect you and your daughter.
I can relate to what you\'re saying. She made her choices to cheat on you, and under no circumstances does anyone force that on someone else. She did that and not you. Like what I\'mdealing said I hope you don\'t feel that way.
I was there as well with the constant contact and the texts. If you cut off communication with her the feelings will fade and in time you\'ll get stronger. But you have to be stern with telling her and do what you need to do for yourself and your child.
Yes that was what she said of me. Advice? counsel? a place to vent? I am needing all of this. If she showed up on my steps asking for forgiveness my heart would just be stupid. Im glad she fled to PA. It is hard to not think about her, want her ..u know all this. I would like things reconciled but im not sure i can handle the cost emotionally right now. My daughter is my one anchor to ground me there. After talking to her everyday for years and now nothing except a dagger in a text, It is hard to say no communication. I will need to seek Gods face in all this because only he can heal my soul. Thanks for each of your letters. Please dont stop those. I need the advice and info.
Having been married to a pedophile and not knowing it until we were married 20 years is no picnic. However, even with that,out of respect to myself, my children, and God, I still never cheated. She\'s using your absence as an excuse to cheat. She\'s trying to come up wih reasons to justify her behavior. She can\'t see that the man she\'s with is one of THE worst criminals ever. Sex offenders are all about control...period. Talk about control, but even if he\'s quiet, he\'s a controller BIG TIME. Sex offenders are manipulators so maybe she\'s getting exactly what she deserves. However, your daughter deserves better. She deserves to be safe, loved, and brought up to feel confident in who she is. I lost all respect for my ex over 20 years ago when I realized he was going to do whatever he wanted (visiting my girlfriends at home during the day while their husband were at work and said he wouldn\'t do it anymore when I told him it looked bad and everybody was beginning to talk). The day I called my best friend to keep my babies (as I only left them in an emergency) she said he was there, I knew right then I didn\'t have a real marriage and I never said another word about what he did...it was over for me forever and I never turned back. He didn\'t seem to know why. You will find life again one day and wonder what you ever loved her when you realize what her character is all about. I\'ve never regretted being divorced from him after finding out the truth. I\'d loved someone who didn\'t exist. When you realize that, you\'ll be just fine and move on. It wll take time to get there, but you will. Then, she may want you back, but you won\'t want her back! You may not believe this right now, but it happened to me. I was WISHING someone else had him.
Thanks Marie
I hope you take the others words to heart, it is true that no one makes no one to cheat. It is simply not your fault. We all have things we can improve in a relationship, but the decision to cheat is something that is on her not you.
If you can try the no contact or at least very little contact with her, it is going to be hard at first but you will feel better in time.
Keep strong