Why do I have this dumb cell phone

Why do I let her text me?  Even though I love her beyond life, I seem to get so hurt behind this all the time.
Everything is my fault.  I made her leave, I made her commit adultery, I am making her life miserable.  And she even thinks I am having a steady life now.  I still feel like I am hanging on the edge of a cliff without anything but my hope.