Why can't my family give me a break!!??
Why can't family understand that when you have chronic illnesses and chronic pain that you can't work! I have one of those famlies that think your a piece of shit if you don't have some kind of job and are bringing in some money from it. It doesn't matter that i am going to college right now and getting Finacial aid to help. It doesn't matter that even though I wouldn't be able to work a full time job if I could work at all that I still have been filling out application after application, resume after resume. I can't go there and talk to the manager like they always tell me to do because I don't have a car, drivers lisence and when I can I do take the bus places. My car was stolen a year ago from me and I never got it back. Every one in my family is like this even though a couple of them barely have jobs themselves and only have what they have out of luck because it was just given to them by someone else in the family. Same with them all having cars they only do because my dad and other members of the family gave them a damn car. They didn't buy it themselves like I had to. That didn't happen for me. When I say family I am mainly talking about my four brothers and father. They have more problems than I do but just don't think they do and I am not the kind of person and never have been to let them know that or to tell them all to go to hell. The problem is that I am always dependent in some way on someone in my family latley makiing them think they can treat me that way. Ever since I got sick, got a divorce because hubby had an affair and through me out into the streets where I was homeless and then car was stolen and I didn't have a job to help myself, I have chronic pain and other problems all the time. Not to mention I have struggled with depression and severe anxiety for years, can't get any help or aid from the state so I from time to time needed help. I'm talking about little things here like 10 dollars and I didn't even ask for them for it they would offer but when I took them up on their offer they make me pay for it by thinking they can say what ever they want to me about my life and holding things over my head. They constantly hurt my feelings. Right now after being homeless for 2 years, literally lived in my car for two years and no one in my family gave a damn I moved in with my little brother who was 5 hours away. I help out with food because i got food stamps and he didn't have to buy any of his own food he just ate all my food. And I do all the dishes every day. And as soon as they are clean he dirties them up by making some huge meal for himself that he doesn't even share. The I have to go clean it up.Then when I get my financial aid check I buy all the things the house might need. he uses up all my shampoo and conditioner, tooth paste, ib profin, tylenol PM and other things on a contant basis and I am cool about it even though it ticks me off because he has never paid for any of his own things like that and uses it all up before I can even get any of it alot of the time. Still I don't say anything. I contribute to gas if I do use his old truck but mostly I get around on the bus. I have no friends over or anything like that. You don't even know I'm there. Before I came he had nothing to eat and was having problems with those type of things already. So its actually a good thing Im here helping him but he doesnt see it like that.He hasn't paid the rent in a couple of months before I even got here. And still hasn't for a year now yet he wants me to go get a job so I can pay it. A friend of one of my other brothers owns the place and I guess wont kick him out. I said O.K. when I get the financial aid I will pay half but will you be able to pay the other half? He said no! So it would just be me. Yet I am already paying for food, house stuff, for my own things and when he wants to borrow a $20.00 before pay day I always give it to him. Why in the hell would he expect only me to pay the rent and not him. That makes no sense. Occasionaly I will borrow 3 dollars for rollies and always give it right back. Yet he has the nerve to ask me what I am doing to get a job and why havn't I done this and why havn't I done that! How am I suppose to get there if I don't have a damn car in the first place?! I have to wait until I have bus money and he knows that but he will still get on me. This is coming from a guy that only has a part time job right now and hardly has any money of his own and the money he does have he spends on alchol and drugs. Yes, hes an alcoholic too. There is alot I can to him about his life but I don't. So why does he think he can do it to me? I don't do any of that stuff. When I get money I spend it on things I need to spend it on. Plus, he knows I have many chronic disabilties and am in pain all the time but just to make him happy and please him have turned in about 40 resumes and applications to people. No one has called me. The city I am in is suppose to have the worst unemployment rate in California. On top of that he knows I just went through very tramatic experiences where I lost my kids to my x-husband and his mistress with a whole lot of other stuff and have post traumatic stress disorder. Why can't they just give me a damn break! Why is he doing this to me and being so unfair! Why is my family such uncaring. jerks? Why doesn't any of them care or understand that I can't just run out and get a job. It's not that easy. Why isn't he trying to get a job himself since it's only part time and not bringing in enough money for himself. He can't even pay his own rent. He just wants me to pay it and at the same time buy nothing but his alcohol. Does this sound right to anyone? Is it just me or is this crazy talk? Sorry for venting. I am so upset because he just did it again to me. They want things from me that I can't give and there is nothing I can do about it and since I am living with him I have to put up with it. I have no where else to go. Every one in my family are assholes and wont help me. I'm just sick about all this. Sorry for venting. If you did read this, thank you. Does this seem unfair to you? Any thoughts about it I would appreciate. Thankyou