WhY Can\'t I get a hold of myself?

Yesterday was my daughter's 4 year old birthday.  The party was suppose to start at 6:30pm.  At 5:20 my panic attack started.  I couldn't breathe.  I had 2 of my sisters show up early and I tried talking to them but then I had to go lay down. I took my blood pressure and it was high.  I just lay there and breathe.  My sister said "oh, its a party, you should be happy" and she was right I should have been but.......... Ken went to get drinks and when he got home I told him I wanted everyone to leave but he said just lay there and try to get calm.  Earlier I had taken a xanax 1 mg.  Before everyone got there I took a blood pressure pill and another xanax.  As my family started coming in, I tried to socialize but couldn't pull it together so within 20 min. I took another xanax.  That made 3 mg.  I haven't had that much in one day in years and years.  Finally, I started feeling better so I joined the party and it turned out good. It wasn't like what I had planned the games and stuff.  I just let the kids play in Morgan's room and outside some.  Morgan opened gifts as they came in the door because I wasn't in there handling things.  I couldn't expect Ken to do it so I didn't let it bother me.  Morgan was having a blast but I felt like it was a disaster. We had cake, chips and icecream.  I had about 20 people including kids in my small home.  The party only lasted a little over an hour.  I didn't have a pinata so I just told the kids to close their eyes while I poured the cany on the floor.  They loved it.  They just wanted the candy so that worked out well.  Morgan got some nice things.  I just wish I could have been more involved.  I was groggy from the medicine I guess. At this point I don't know what to do.  I haven't been out of the house in a week now.  Last week when I went to my mom's, I left because of having an attack.  Last night I felt like my throat was closing up and my mouth was really dry.  I usually love having people over but now I panic at everything.  I can't even watch t.v.  I have tried to watch t.v. several times and I would start to panic and have to lay down. My sister had to but in again.  She is really against xanax and valium.  She told that a monkey somewhere in the U.S. took some xanax by mistake and scatched someone's face off.  Thats very supportive.  My other sister looked at me and said "Do you take xanax?" I said yes. I told her animals were different than humans.  The monkey was an orangutang(spelling?).  I just said they can be wild.  I don't put my sister down because she has to take diabetes medicine.  People just don't understand. I know I need to get out more but I get so scared because I have to carry my daughter with me and I'm scared of having an accident.  My life has changed so much in just a couple of months.Please if anyone reads this, I could use some support, prayers and understanding.