Why cry?
A conversation with Dira confirms different reasons of crying. I have been crying since my wife's passing, sometimes uncontrollably pouring and other times bitterly sobbing. Most time I cried when I was thinking about Yan, with her images in mind--either the images of last few months in the hospital in her pain and agony in fighting the cancer, her body losing strength and energy, her laying in bed and sitting in wheelchair, or more recently images of her happier times with me (I just missed her so much). In all these times, I was crying for HER.
But more recently, I started realizing that I also cried for ME--for the future I lost, for the uncertainties and darkness in my life. There is no right or wrong reason to cry. But, I am thinking---There is nothing I can do about crying for her---I will continue crying crying unless the day when all of my emotions get out and my final acceptance that she is at peace. However, I can do something about crying for me. I am not suggesting to stop crying for me, which is also part of healing, but rather to use the tears for some actions such as embracing a new attitude about the change in my life and growing confidence of being independence and spiritual enlightenment. From now on, I am going to try to use my tears for something and see what will happens.
But more recently, I started realizing that I also cried for ME--for the future I lost, for the uncertainties and darkness in my life. There is no right or wrong reason to cry. But, I am thinking---There is nothing I can do about crying for her---I will continue crying crying unless the day when all of my emotions get out and my final acceptance that she is at peace. However, I can do something about crying for me. I am not suggesting to stop crying for me, which is also part of healing, but rather to use the tears for some actions such as embracing a new attitude about the change in my life and growing confidence of being independence and spiritual enlightenment. From now on, I am going to try to use my tears for something and see what will happens.
Replies
Tears are golden in the grief process. Just know that you are processing and healing. Be grateful for the ability to cry and not suppress your emotions. You are on the right path . . . sending you healing thoughts. xo, Dayna
After Arlene died, I cried and cried. Our daughter said she has only seen me cry once or twice in her life.
I like the way you distinguish crying for HER and crying for yourself, I never really thought about it that way, but it makes sense. I would like to hear more about using tears for your own healing.
My wife also went through a long decline. I have images in my head, and on my phone and photo storage, of her connected to machines in the ICU. When I remember her in the hospital, I feel guilty, like I could have done more. Our daughter told me I was amazing, and did everything I could.
I have many other images from when she was healthy and stronger, in my head and also in photos.
For me, and a lot of people, music triggers memories and grief. We shared a lot of music, we were married on John Lennon\'s birthday, and I played John Lennon while she slipped into death, and I held her and told her I love her. Sometimes a song comes on my mp3 player while I am on a bus, and I start bawling.
Decibel, most time I still cried for her. When I cried, I went to a garden that we used to go when she was sick. I looked at her photos and watered the red roses which she likes the most. When she was sick, I never cried. I guessed I was trying to hold up for her. But I must have said \"I love you\" a hundred times, particularly when doctor told me she would only have two weeks. She kept nodding---she could not speak in the last few weeks---as saying \"I love you too\". Oh--this triggers tremendous pain.
Tiger, I just read this today, Mother\'s Day. .....Again, your journal is beautiful.
Thank you. Tears for me are my emotions being felt, whether tears of joy, sadness, empathy, frustration anger. I question my motivation with each tear to see if they are\" Golden\" Each tear is a gift , for me it cleanses my heart, it empowers me to change for good. I try and discern and control my tears, if I am not in what I call, a \"safe place.\" Hugs.....Sandra