Why am I so deeply depressed?
I just can't get rid of this deep depressing sadness. I wake up feeling this overwhelming sadness, and it stays with me until I go to bed again.
I tried to make sense of my emotions. Colleen had health problems since her birth, so I knew for 22 years that she would not live very long. Also her last 7 years on earth were an increasing struggle to survive. I am grateful that my precious Colleen is with Jesus now, perfect and forever in His devine love!
The only reason for my devastating sadness, seems to be that fact that Colleen and I shared a very special and unique love! It was a deep, unconditional love and caring for each other, something that not even death could end!! No other person on this earth has ever really loved me so very deeply, and no-one else ever will!!
Now that my Colleen has passed, very little remains to make my life worth anything. I will keep on living, not because I want to, but because it is the Lord's will that I do.
Oneday we will be together again, Colleen and I!!
I tried to make sense of my emotions. Colleen had health problems since her birth, so I knew for 22 years that she would not live very long. Also her last 7 years on earth were an increasing struggle to survive. I am grateful that my precious Colleen is with Jesus now, perfect and forever in His devine love!
The only reason for my devastating sadness, seems to be that fact that Colleen and I shared a very special and unique love! It was a deep, unconditional love and caring for each other, something that not even death could end!! No other person on this earth has ever really loved me so very deeply, and no-one else ever will!!
Now that my Colleen has passed, very little remains to make my life worth anything. I will keep on living, not because I want to, but because it is the Lord's will that I do.
Oneday we will be together again, Colleen and I!!
Replies
Wishing peace for your heart, Hugs, Kathy
Depression can be overwhelming at times. I think we have all been where you are now at some time in our life. Losing a child is the worst thing that can happen to anyone. It does get better with time. Sending love and healing prayers your way. Katrina
I don\'t think there is a mother on this site who has not been deeply depressed having to walk this path. You are still so very new to this in many ways and being a soul/sole caregiver (as I see you as both) brings with it a bond that is beyond words. The heart language that Colleen and you shared is sorely missed and you are learning how to carry it now.
Depression for me is often a deep sadness that has not found expression yet and if I can just share it in some way as you are now it does not feel quite so heavy. Allowing others to companion us is vital and that is the healing vortex that I have come to know here on FMO. You all \"get it\" and so I understand as best as I can what you are describing and say take a hand and we\'ll keep taking the steps together.
So much loving care your way dear Andelene and above all understanding.
Hand in hand and Heart to heart,
XO Joanie
My dearest friend, How I do understand the sadness and deepest sense of loss. I wish I had the right words but I do have the biggest and gentleness hug for you. I am grateful that Colleen and Ryan are not hurting from losing us. That is something they would never understand. They were our lives and we had the deepest of love and a bond like no other. I am also struggling with such sadness and I pray that you will let our loving God hold you and guide you. He is there for us and knows our broken hearts. I am sending love and prayers......slow inch steps my SOTH. I am here and we all care so deeply.
Oh my dear. This is a rough road we are walking. But we are on it together. Some are ahead of you, and some are behind. That deep, overwhelming sadness is so familiar.
I understand that you knew that Colleen would not have a long life on this earth. But that does not make losing her easier. I can appreciate the special bond you have with her. You are right, you still share that bond.
I believe we are left behind because we are still needed here - our earthly job is not done.
Wishing you peace.
Love and hugs,
Marlene
I am so sorry sweetheart. ((((((HUG))))))
I wish I could give her back to you,
if it was up to me I would.
Praying for the Lord to give you His strength to endure this horrible loss.
I love you,
Anya