Why am I slipping backwards again? WTF!
Today I had another setback that left me hurting once again. Today my ex had emailed one of my office staff and some comments were made in the email that really tore my guts out. The reality is that anything that she says hurts and thats why i have no contact. When a message slips through the cracks and gets to me, I always suffer. I hate the idea that I am an asshole in her eyes! I know she is getting her head filled by her new boyfriend ( my ex best friend) and it hurts me so much.
I want to forget about her but this always seems to bring her front and center. I miss her little boy Matthew too! OMG I love him so much!
I am just going to have to suffer through this!
JIm
I want to forget about her but this always seems to bring her front and center. I miss her little boy Matthew too! OMG I love him so much!
I am just going to have to suffer through this!
JIm
Replies
:( that is awful - why is she making these comments to other people especially people you work with? That is unacceptable behavior in my eyes ... can you send her a direct text or something along those lines insisting that she refrain from such behavior? I really feel for you - with that kind of scenario popping up all the time how are you expected to heal? I think you have a right to exert some healthy boundaries here ...
By the way I understand about missing the little boy - kids worm their way into your heart huh plus I realize you are already a dad. I\'ve only ever been an aunty but have lived with different families when I was overseas and I found that gut wrenching enough in letting go! Grieving is not easy nor fun..especially in the holiday season. I think in your case the betrayal is like posion on the tip of the arrow...
I always liked this psalm from the bible..when king david was talking about the betrayal of friend.
Psalms 41:5 My enemies speak evil of me, When will he die, and his name perish?
6 And if he comes to see [me], he speaks falsehood: his heart gathers iniquity to itself; [when] he goes abroad, he tells [it].
7 All that hate me whisper together against me: against me do they devise my hurt.
8 An evil disease, [they say], cleaves fast to him: and [now] that he lies he will rise up no more.
9 Yes, my own familiar friend, in whom I trusted, who ate of my bread, has lifted up [his] heel against me.
10 But you, O LORD [Yahweh], be merciful to me, and raise me up, that I may repay them.
11 By this I know that you favour me, because my enemy does not triumph over me.
12 And as for me, you uphold me in my integrity, and set me before your face for ever. (GMRV)
You know what I find interesting is the word \"repay\" means to make a covenant of peace or be at peace with someone....
For sure that seems impossible right now huh - but I do pray that God would help you rise above this and find peace, healing, new doors...in the end they are poverty stricken in their souls and character because of their actions. As much as this hurts right now ... please believe that good fruit can from your life still..good things ... you have integrity and they may try and rip that down with their words but God sees and hears these things and in the end He will arrange circumstances to defend you - I have had it happen in my own life in unexpected ways so I know this principle works.
I just want you to know you\'re not alone ... (( hug! )) I\'m sorry you have to go through this. Its crappy.
Ok this is where I struggled a whole lot in the begging. My kids would come back and they\'re older and show me that the OW bought them a car? And moved them out of our family home to a bigger and better one on a golf course. Omg the hurt and pain of the little details would kill me and then little by little I put in my head let her buy them! I am their mom and no one will be me. She can try but I gave them life and no amount of money and buy that kind of love. It\'s priceless. We are our own worst enemy. We know who we are and that we are good honest people. Do you honestly care what she thinks about you? Really is it going to change anything? No! You seem like a good guy and I don\'t even know you in person. People like her have to talk bad about others to try to justify their actions but in reality they are the weak ones. Our silence proves we are better and do not have to stoop to their level. As for Matthew that is a hard situation but you must know if he had a choice I bet you would still be in his life. Keep journaling and thinking your so much better she can\'t compet. Fake happiness never lasts. All in time. Get better okay.
Is she still working for you or have you finally \"let her go\"? I know this has got to be so hard for you if she is still working with you. I agree, she should not be sending your staff emails and referring to anything personal. Maybe an email going out to all staff that business emails are to be for business only, may help the situation.
I know that you are still dealing with anxiety and I so know where you are coming from. The tingling sinsation that I feel in my face, arms and chest area are so overwhelming sometimes that I just don\'t know what to do. It\'s hard to not think about things, especially this time of year. Keep your family and DS friends as close as possible. We are all here for you!
Everyone here is simply incredible. Some of the nicest people in my life I met here in the last few months. I pray for nothing more than peace in my heart and in the hearts of my friends here!
Jim
I am so sorry she still has the power to hurt you. You are such a good man. She is a fool. And so is your ex best friend. I also know that just because she doesn\'t work for you anymore doesn\'t change much. I know that you still see and feel her presence everywhere in your office. I feel the same thing. Just remember you are not alone, we all care about you and hurt when you hurt. Great big hug.
Jim, I am so sorry for the pain that is continuing and the fuel Cory keeps adding to the fire. Please try to accept the fact that it is not only what is being fed into her head by your ex friend but it is Cory herself. She is really proving to you her very true colours.
I know how hard it has been, but please try to do this for yourself. The sooner you can accept that she is not the wonderful person that you thought she was and that you loved. THis is her!! This is her doing, and sadly she is quite possibly doing this deliberately knowing that there is a chance it will get to you and hurt you further. She is projecting onto you what she feels within herself. Someone else posted a really good article on B & D about projection the other day, and I believe this is what Cory is doing. It is absolutely horrible and very cruel, and I am so sorry you are a victim of this kind of treatment. What a way to be paid back for loving her.
I know how it feels to feel like you take a step forward and then go right back to where you started. It is a process that is so painful and when you are not only betrayed by the partner you love but also by your friend... It is so much harder to let it all go. My ex husband was with 3 people that I had thought were friends. I have been trying to get over all of it for 4 years... The thing that I have found to help me the best is looking into myself. Seeing who I am and accepting that IT IS NOT MY FAULT! Also acceptance and forgiving is really the key to being able to let go of it. I know how difficult it is to forgive someone who has not \"earned\" your forgiveness.. But it is a freeing feeling. I know it sounds odd to some people but I pray for my ex and for the others who have hurt me. It somehow makes me feel a bit better.
As far as the comments you hear you must learn to ignore them and also tell the people who relay it to you, that you dont not want to hear about anything she says to them. new2free is dead on right about the fact that she is only saying things about you because she thinks it about herself... She cannot hold herself accountable for her actions because that would be admitting wrong doing. I soooooo know the things you are feeling as I have felt them all myself for very similar reasons.
Please feel free to contact me if you need to just chat with someone. I understand and I feel for you.
I\'m sorry dear. Have you mentioned to your staff that you\'d rather not hear about your ex? I know that sometimes we want to show others that we are strong and it doesn\'t matter, thinking that is the way we should be. It\'s okay to be uncomfortable with this. It doesn\'t make you weak to want to have an ex-free life without mentions of her for a while. This is still very fresh and you are really hurting.
I have no words that will truly give comfort. I do have a supportive cyber-shoulder for you though. Praying you find some respite from the pain soon.
Hugs
You know what? I don\'t believe she thinks you are that bad. I think she KNOWS she is. She can\'t handle the guilt. My feeling is that you should block her but from the email. You are just too good for her, and past all the hurt, you know that....