Why Now????

This is so weird i havent had a journal since i was 15, but it might help me get this all off my chest! I have been in pain for 5 months now and still in pain! For months i have been laying in bed not able to move and my life has come to a halt, i mean i cant even do my normal every day activities, my husband has become Mr. Mom and im so grateful beacuse i felt like this was the end, my life was over and still some days i still do feel that way! It has been a week since i had surgery and a week since i was diagnosed with this damn Endometriosis, i was happy at first i know sounds strange but finally had a answer after so many I DONT KNOWS! i cried i was so happy but then i started to think why now? why when we were trying to concive did this happen? Now this is going to make it so much harder. I havent done any treatment cause that would mean we could not get pregnant so i am still in pain and some days i wonder why i just dont take the damn pill and it will all go away? but then i so want a baby, i dream about i talk about like im already pregnant and i think that is the only thing getting me through the pain! nothing helps with the pain i'm sure i have tried it all! But knowing one day hopefully really soon when i'm holding my baby it will all be worth it i just have to keep my chin up its so hard though i want this all to go away the pain the emotions! I miss my old life!