Why

I don't understand why I'm still missing her after everything she has done to me, the lying and the cheating! Every time she did something that was messed up and bothering me she would change to story and say that it didn't happen and that it was my anxiety and I needed to stop worrying so much. And the messed up thing is that I was the one who was right. In the end she admitted everything. Why am I missing someone who treated me with such little respect and thought I was and idiot. She spent eight months gas-lighting me. Was it because I was so use to my ex wife who was just mean to my face. Was it because Lauren was alway sweet to me even though she was slowly poisoning our relationship. Was it our common interest, I was going to be her pilot and she was going to be my flight attendant. WHY DO I MISS HER!!! I miss being with her. I miss everything about her! People say that I just miss having someone to have sex with but that's not the case! I miss sex with her. I can't imagine being intimate with another girl. She's the only one I want!