Who would of "thunk!"
I am babysitting my Grandson this morning and after that, I am meeting a girl I work with for lunch.
As you all know, my daughter and my son-in-law shut me out of their life for years. When my daughter was almost 8 months pregnant, I was invited to a baby shower and I had not seen her or connected with her all thru her pregnancy (still makes me cry) and way before that. I called her and asked if I could see her before the shower and we met. Nothing was exchanged except general talk about having a baby, etc. During this time of estrangement, I continued to turn to Source and ask for guidance, wisdom and strength. I allowed myself to experience every feeling that came my way; I experienced horrific grief. I continued to parent myself through this very difficult time and continued to allow ALL things. I learned to let go of expectations (although it was difficult; very), I learned I could not be responsible for others; nor could I make them responsible for me. I learned I could love at a distance; I could forgive myself deeply for all the mistakes I made raising my children, etc. I stopped trying to be PERFECT and really worked daily/continually at seeking the PERFECTION that lies within me. It was a very, very, very challenging time. But in retrospect, I can now see how very much needed it was. I had to "let go" of so much and this situation gave me the opportunity to do so. It certainly is an on-going, continueous process!
Anyway, never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be asked to be such a part of my grandson's life! Never. I don't ask questions, I don't interfere, and I no longer have expectations. I just work daily at living in the moment, embracing whatever comes my way and work at remembering to Surrender it to the Holy Spirit and be guided from there. My 'little guy" is such an inspiration to me and hopefully I will be an inspiration to him. I am so grateful for this experience to bond with him.
Later today, I am meeting with the girl at work who she and I butted heads for years; actually couldn't stand each other. Again, never in my wildest dreams did I think we would become friends. She has come to me as she is becoming aware of how very co-dependent she is and seeking out information. It seems as though we had similar parents. I am still kind of in shock. She says "I knew you would understand." I am so touched.
Forgiveness has been a huge part of both of these situations and NOT holding onto a grudge. That pleases me! Years ago, I don't think this would have happened. I would have wanted things "explained to death"...why this and why that. Today I am simply accepting where life is taking me.
There are certainly things I still need to work on and I do my best to continue my process of working from the inside out and surrender my day over to my Higher Power. That's where Roman comes in. I watch this sweet baby that is unconditional love and he is a constant reminder of where I would like to get to! As I say that, I remember what one of my greatest teacher's told me one time "there's no place to get to Vicki, only more of God/Good to be revealed."
So many gifts! Who would of "thunk!"
Happy Saturday!
As you all know, my daughter and my son-in-law shut me out of their life for years. When my daughter was almost 8 months pregnant, I was invited to a baby shower and I had not seen her or connected with her all thru her pregnancy (still makes me cry) and way before that. I called her and asked if I could see her before the shower and we met. Nothing was exchanged except general talk about having a baby, etc. During this time of estrangement, I continued to turn to Source and ask for guidance, wisdom and strength. I allowed myself to experience every feeling that came my way; I experienced horrific grief. I continued to parent myself through this very difficult time and continued to allow ALL things. I learned to let go of expectations (although it was difficult; very), I learned I could not be responsible for others; nor could I make them responsible for me. I learned I could love at a distance; I could forgive myself deeply for all the mistakes I made raising my children, etc. I stopped trying to be PERFECT and really worked daily/continually at seeking the PERFECTION that lies within me. It was a very, very, very challenging time. But in retrospect, I can now see how very much needed it was. I had to "let go" of so much and this situation gave me the opportunity to do so. It certainly is an on-going, continueous process!
Anyway, never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be asked to be such a part of my grandson's life! Never. I don't ask questions, I don't interfere, and I no longer have expectations. I just work daily at living in the moment, embracing whatever comes my way and work at remembering to Surrender it to the Holy Spirit and be guided from there. My 'little guy" is such an inspiration to me and hopefully I will be an inspiration to him. I am so grateful for this experience to bond with him.
Later today, I am meeting with the girl at work who she and I butted heads for years; actually couldn't stand each other. Again, never in my wildest dreams did I think we would become friends. She has come to me as she is becoming aware of how very co-dependent she is and seeking out information. It seems as though we had similar parents. I am still kind of in shock. She says "I knew you would understand." I am so touched.
Forgiveness has been a huge part of both of these situations and NOT holding onto a grudge. That pleases me! Years ago, I don't think this would have happened. I would have wanted things "explained to death"...why this and why that. Today I am simply accepting where life is taking me.
There are certainly things I still need to work on and I do my best to continue my process of working from the inside out and surrender my day over to my Higher Power. That's where Roman comes in. I watch this sweet baby that is unconditional love and he is a constant reminder of where I would like to get to! As I say that, I remember what one of my greatest teacher's told me one time "there's no place to get to Vicki, only more of God/Good to be revealed."
So many gifts! Who would of "thunk!"
Happy Saturday!
Replies
This is a lovely entry! I think the same sort of thing has been happening to me. I\'m finding \'peace\' in places/people I once found difficult. Xxxx
Yes, I agree with Rosie, a loving, self-loving, entry. To me, that \'peace\' is in learning that non-judging and non-controlling expectations. The word \'gifts\' above had my mind associate with expectations, where with expectations we (I) want to \'control\' or limit outcomes. The belief being \"I want this, or I want that\", that obscures an unconscious feeling of \"if it doesn\'t happen like I want it will be bad; nothing could be better than my [limited] imagination.\" That \"nothing could be BETTER is the lynchpin in the logic. Since it has been proven none of us can predict the value of any future outcome, why do we insist all outcomes will be negative unless we approve. Why do we automatically \"close our hearts\" to the future? Mainly because of the fear of pain? I feel it\'s very important to remember that, \"events are done FOR us, not TO us\", for our benefit, not as a punishment. Sometimes we need to cultivate patience by \'suspending judgment (of God)\' instead our habitual reaction to \'assumed pain\'. When I run into some event that I don\'t \"understand\" I\'m getting used to hearing a voice say, \"wait for it...\", in order to experience the eventual results after all the \'votes are in\' and all the repercussions are revealed to me for consideration. It\'s that, \"nothing is permanent\", invocation/affirmation that helps me suspend judgment more easily, and more often now. Now, when I can feel my heart Seize, or close, I find it easier to reopen it more quickly by suspending my final and permanent judgment. Relaxing the heart makes everything easier. \"It IS what it IS; accept it.\", is becoming an much easier way to live emotionally instead of me demanding EVERYTHING be the way I wang it or that\'s BAD, according to MY needs. Disappointment is a choice, a chosen feeling, not a fact and not permanent.
I guess we\'re all learning to accept our limited \'powers\' for controlling the outside world, and it\'s much easier to control our judgments?
Inner Peace is the way to peace. IMHO.
I guess my mind got carried away with explaining, since I never referred back to \'gifts\'. My original point being mistaking \'gifts\' as always appearing \'good\' at first, and not yet understanding the long-term effects of any event. For me to be very careful for my judgment of \'innocuous\' events as either \"very fortunate\" or \"very disappointing\". Correct? Let\'s be more aware of our knee-jerk expectations, since some negative-seeming obstacles may be gifts-in-disguise.
Yes, gifts come in many ways, shapes and forms! I have to even say, RA (as painful as it has been and is still at times) has been a gift to me in many ways. And, my childhood (as horrific as it was) has been a gift to me and still is. All these things has led me to my Inner Source, this place where Loves resides, where Peace is found...how blessed I AM! I have over these past few years found moments of Inner Peace and I personally believe that is what we are all seeking; or at least I AM! xo
Happy Sunday! Yep, you\'re a blessing too, to all of us here. And yes, I plan to go to Celebration Circle today. Yea
Accepting \'what is\'... So powerful. I\'m reading Falling Into Grace by Adyashanti, for the second time... I read about this very idea this morning and thought about what a relief it is to let go and accept \'what is\'. You\'ve done a lot of work to get to this place. Enjoy that little baby boy and all the many blessings I know that you are enjoying. And thank you for the example. We are all \'watching\' right?