Who will take care of me?
Good Morning SOTH - it's the MOnday after Easter and I'm feeling sad, tired and feeling like "is this all there is?"
I have been consumed with thoughts of "who is going to take care of me?". Jim is healthy and so am I but IF something happens to Jim, who will take care of me if I need it? Hunter is 16, and the expectation of him taking care of me is unrealistic...even if he were 26 or 30 or......so back to feeling so damn alone, having no-one,,,,,, being an only child as well as having an only child sucks.....
I know this is wasted energy which in itself is draining and in itself is not healing....but I still ask the question....I've thought it all out - an assisted living might be the answer.....a place where there are others around might be the answer......it's preventing me from taking one day @ time now, one second @ a time - enjoying life in the present.....just BEing....BUT .......who or what or.........
This is what happens when you are a planner - knowing that life can't be planned out as you would like....but I always thought Jennifer would be to take care of her mom......sad, just sad & tired......
Just some thoughts I have been struggling with - not alot of people will understand or "get it" but I know you all will hear my heart.
I'm afraid and anxious over this one crazy thought that just keeps going around & around.
Replies
Hey, I totally get it! I have similar questions lingering... I am 48 years old and my youngest son passed away a year and a half ago. I now only have my 27 year old son who has already told me he CANNOT deal with me if I get old and "vacant" like my mom has become. I have all of my wits about me now, but what happens if or when I don't??? I am unmarried. I have a boyfriend, but this likely won't last forever as I see us distancing ourselves over the last year. I truly think assisted living will have to be the answer for me. I feel like I will probably continue to rent an apartment until I cannot anymore, so that my son won't have to sell anything, just clean it out and move on. I have decided too that I will donate all of my organs, tissues and body to science and not have any services or anything. I want to make it as easy as possible on my son when the time comes. I am the youngest of 5, 3 half brothers, who I barely know and are scattered all over the place, including Germany, and a sister who has had her share of health issues already... Diabetes, kidney failure, and fibromyalgia. I likely will be the only one left anyway, so yep, I get what you are saying and think about it often.
I fully understand your fear and anxiety, my friend. I have 5 younger sisters, but have no contact with any of them, because I don't fit into their worlds. My husband died in 2007 from cancer. I don't have a home of my own, so I stay with my older daughter. So yes, I don't know what my future holds either. I honestly hope that my death will be quick, with no suffering or sickness. One can only hope....... Well, the only way I can survive, is to live in the moment, and not think about tomorrow. Fact is, I find myself living môre in the past, re-living the last time my Colleen was hospitalized over and over again. I am in my own little cucoon.
I truly hope that you will find some inner peace about this very real matter! Yes, sadly life has no guarantees, and doesn't always go as planned. But good things still happen today, and usually when we least expect it. So just breath, and try to focus on one "today" at a time.
Gentle hugs to you, my friend!! xxx
I believe this is something that everyone thinks about in one way or another. None of us want to become a burden and there are just so many unknowns. Having an option or two is always wise especially if it helps to alleviate anxiety.
Of course you imagined Jennifer BEing here for you in this way and now the reality that she is not hurts and leaves you feeling vulnerable.
The flip side to this is that I know of several large families and NOT one of the children opted to care for their parent(s) so the security that they imagined was there was not. One just never knows how any of this will play out??
I am hearing your heart and hope that by bringing it out here and into the light that it will help remove some of its power.
Loving care dearest Vicki and SO much understanding.
Hand in hand, Heart to heart,
XO Joanie
I hear you too Vicki. Lisa was the planner. She had it all figured out. She was going to look after me and I know she would have been a wonderful person to have in my corner.
When she died, I felt bereft. My future was turned upside down. Andrew is a caring son and he will do the best he can, but I guess we all sort of knew that she was the one who would call the shots in our dotage.
Now my neighbour and I are considering our options.
When we talk of a new normal, it is not just for now but also if we become old and dependent.
So my dear, know you are not alone.
Love and tight hugs, Marlene
I often am awakened by horrible thoughts such as these too and it is so disturbing and difficult! I guess the thing I tell myself is that I have no control of it and I am just making myself sicker by giving in to these types of thoughts. I often try concentrating on my breath and try hard not to think of anything to get back to the present moment. After quite a bit of practice, sometimes I even fall back asleep. I think when your life has be jolted in such a way such as us moms here, it is often easy to dwell on the worst that could happen. But as you say, this takes away from the quality of our lives now and robs us of the only moment we can control - this one. Sending love and prayer and hearing your heart, Leda
I think it's normal for all of us to worry about being taken care of. No matter how big the family. I have kids who have said they will always take care of me. We shall see. I worry "sigh"
Hugs
Hi Vicki, I have had this thought enter my mind too many times. After one's only child passes I guess our mind goes there. Although most of my angst regarding me and aging is that I was robbed of the comfort of my son in my old age. Just having him nearby to chat with, ponder things with. I guess for me I am doing better with this. I know my worry stemmed from fear. One day I basically said to myself, "The heck with this. I am no longer going to fear. I will choose love and faith over fear." This helps me not to project my fear into the future too frequently. Yeah, the fear rears its ugly head sometimes and I have to remind myself that God was with me through Ed's passing and God will be with me during my elderly years. I remind myself to choose love and faith. Does that make sense? Maybe my "self talk" will help you too. Love to you and dear Jennifer, Linda
As Linda says, the self talk really helps. We have no control over how things will be just have to go with the flow as we have had to do with the loss of our children. Life stinks in so many ways, yet we must push on to honor our children. Listen to me, talking big HA HA. Peace, Kathy