Who Was I Kidding?
First one out of the gate and my fears are reinforced. It is unanimous. No matter what people say--- your entire worth is based on that first look. Everyone DOES want the sleek, slender gorgeous women. Even those of us over 50 do judge by a glance. I started chatting with 2 men in particular and the first was very interested in getting to know me and the more we did open up, the more we did realize we shared alot of the same beliefs, wants and dreams.
Fast forward-- he is sending pix of his place, his toy (Harley) and I confide I have never yet ridden a bike but would love to. WE share headshots... then he sends a full pic and asks if I have one, I take a minute and send one (knowing full well it was the kiss of death) Next thing I know he is mentioning his only concern is our age difference (he is 52---so 6 yrs between us) I thought he was a bit younger but did not double check his profile. The only thing is--- why not notice til now???
So my mind heads back to the past--- so long ago hearing the words I was fat and ugly and stupid that would be engrained in me when I was very young... then coming up again as I heard indirect messages from my family then not so long ago from my own husband.
I did really enjoy opening up and spilling my guts to so many on here. Some who do understand what it is like to be judged but never heard or welcomed... or even noticed. I will do better to step back again...someone once told me to put my light on the hilltop because I was truly beatiful. He was one of a very few who did actually look, listen and get to know ME as I did him. (and gave me something I have been looking for my whole life) But he was one of very few. To me it is so sad that many people miss out on so much because in a quick glance they judge and discard a chance to know some very special folks. I have been struggling for awhile now with some extra pounds and not getting them off as easy as before. Then giving up and sometimes turning to food and making it worse. Not a healthy duo I know-- but a quick fix to cover the pain-- til the guilt sets in.
Thank you all for your support in the past... but you did not truly understand who I apparently still am.
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I had a break thru today....stepped on scale in kitchen and actually showed me I lost at least six #......I did nothing other than home cooking much more than before as restaurants are closed....I was happy....256 looked so good on my scale....I grew up skinny and tall...got over weight with my mental health hitting the shredder in my 20s....been up to 280 but usual is 265.....I had gotten above that for little bit lately....but to see a drop feels good....just wish it would continue downwards....after surgery in past for kidney stones I went to 22o which was lowest in 35yrs easy.....but it came back.....I tried OA but I did not have desire to keep trekking off to find meetings....and nobody really bonded with me on my journey either.....so I am in the understanding group....hugs
Kim you are beautiful. Both inside and outside. Don’t give up because of this bad experience. Hugs.
Kim you are beautiful inside and out and I am thankful for the friendship you and I have created.
I know all to well the struggles you have. I was told when I was a young teen that It was too bad I was fat because I had a pretty face. Later I always felt as the token fat friend every group seemed to have. I was safe to go out with and meet boys as I would not hinder their chances of getting noticed. I had many guy friends who enjoyed hanging out with me but would never date me. It takes a toll on your self esteem and that stays with you.
It takes hard work to start to see yourself as worthy and it’s so unfortunate that one person can take that away from you. Yes some people judge you by your appearance but I do believe there are people who like and care for a person for who they are, for their personality and heart.
I know how hard this must be for you but don’t let this stop you from moving forward. You have much to offer to the man lucky enough to take the time to get to know you.
Big hugs,
Kim
Oh don’t let this upset you. People are not going to be attracted to every type of person. It’s just the way it is. I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life. I dealt with an eating disorder as a result. I’ve been more heavy at times than others and even when I’m at a “normal” weight I don’t look skinny because I have boobs, hips and a butt. Not everyone is into that and there is nothing we can do about it except accept that people are attracted to what they are attracted to. It’s the same for me. There are some physical aspects of some men that aren’t attractive to me. Meeting people in person vs online makes it easier to overlook that though once you start getting to know someone but I don’t think dating sites lend itself to that. Not saying dating sites are bad, just that it’s different. I think you have to wade through more turds because the pool of people is bigger than just meeting people in real life.
So if you are not someone’s type please don’t take it as a reflection of you. I know it feel like it is but it’s really not. I think when you feel good about yourself it’s easier to shrug it off.
So just step back a bit, reflect and not get it twisted. What this person thinks of you really doesn’t matter. He’s a stranger. Kick him off your pant leg and move on. Plus you reacted immediately that it must be about how you look. Maybe it was or maybe it wasn’t but if you aren’t ok with yourself no one will be either.
In my opinion everyone is pretty much the same on the inside, so of course the outside counts. I mean I wouldn't date a fat dude for the simple reason that I don't want to feel like I'm making out with a pregnant woman. Doesn't matter if he is nice and ok in the face.
Why do you guys think I'm with the man I'm with? He isn't overweight, has a huge dick, mostly does as he is told, and most importantly, is attracted to full grown curvy ass women like myself, and not childsize little sticks like most guys seem to want.
Veggiequeen, there are websites for dating that are for bigger women and men who like bigger women. Maybe you should try one of those. Idk of you should be dating anyway since there is a pandemic.
Don't place your value in how they think. A good majority of "those" people aren't looking for a proper relationship. They are looking for entertainment. I turn boring to those people real fast, and they remove themselves. Use this as an opportunity to come up with a list of what you are really looking for, based on what you realize you are not wanting. You're doing great. You are amazing and beautiful, inside and out.
While rewatching a video the other night, I picked up on a line that I had missed the first time around "love yourself and love you first, until unconditional love for yourself transforms your heart."
Kim, Don't let this one experience get you down. You will find men that are only into looks and then there others that counts the most, what's in the heart. And what's in the heart goes much further than the superficial good looks. Just keep moving forward and the right one will show up.
I married a cute, curvy girl and not for just for the looks, but for a heart worth more than all the gold in the world.
His loss Kim. Unfortunately I imagine that you will run into this a lot so you’d better steel yourself. I agree with what Adelyn said about entertainment. Sure some people are actually looking for something real but many don’t know what they want. Just a vague idea that is creating that judgment. Once someone has a preconceived mental projection it’s hard to shift. For instance I like dark hair. Why? That’s been my experience. If I met a blond woman it would take a little more to shift my attraction. Shallow? You bet. But it’s just ingrained.
Be ok with you and you will find the one who will be too.
Don’t stop what you started just have patience
Yep. Agreed as above. Have patience. If it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be.