Who Turned out the lights
‹That is exactly how I feel right now...as if someone suddenly turned off the darn lights. Except, it was not suddenly at all! And it was deliberate. And it was in my best interests...but damnit. It still HURT!
Perhaps 2.5 months ago, or just a little more, I went to see my new doctor about my anxiety issues. I had never addressed them with her before, had only been seeing her a few months. Besides, I detested being on medication for anxiety! I felt it numbed me...it didn't just kill my anxiety...it killed ALL of my feelings. But, I was snapping at my husband, my little boy, and never able to just sit and relax anymore. So I figured I should bite the bullet and talk to her. Unlike my last doctor, this new one was nice, and reasonable....and she seemed to really listen to me, when I spoke. So, off I went, albeit quite upset about the thoughts of being asked to retry some mind numbing medication.
Something different happened on that fateful day. My doctor asked me to describe how I felt and what was occuring, when I felt anxious. A curious look came over my doctors face as I described my inability to sit and watch the first 4 mins of the news. Because I could not stop thinking about the dishes in the kitchen sink. So Up I would get to go start those dishes, but on my way to the kitchen I notice the dogs empty water dish, so I grab that to fill up along the way. Except as I run the cold water, I notice the garbage is quite full, and I start to haul that out of the bin as I run the tap, and then I notice the socks on the floor, which the puppy has hauled out of the laundry basket, so I grab those up, to run them quickly into the bedroom linen basket. On the way, I pass my sons book bag and remember he has a page of Kindergarten homework left to complete.....and suddenly, I am scowling at my husband for his lack of help, and none of the 6 things I started are complete. My doctor, after asking a few more questions, excuses herself and comes back in with a sheet of folded paper. She asks me simply to take this home, fill it out when I have a quiet moment, and answer honestly, and return with it.
Well! That Adult ADHD Questionnaire just about blew my mind!!! I had no idea those were symptoms in adults. And almost every little tiny checkmark of mine was to the extreme right. And suddenly, things started falling into place for me. Things just started to click. My trouble in school, no matter how hard I studied, my inability to finish so many tasks...SO many things made sense, and for the first time in a long time, I wondered if maybe, just maybe...I wasn't as dumb as I had thought I was!
My doctor started me on Concerta, 18mg. For 10 days I felt like a new word had opened up in front of me. I could see! I could think! I could join in conversation without fear of not being able to pull a single rational, intelligent thought, out of my head. Day 12-14...the effects seemed to dampen a bit. 27mg worked well...with same issues around day 8, and when I was upped to 36mg, I felt little to no change after 2 weeks on that dosage :(. However, what I did feel was my rapid heartrate.
I have SVT. Have had it for years, and typically, it was only ever an issue, once every few months. No big thing! Except, the last year, it has been happening a few times a week. And instead of lasting 2-3 mins...it goes 2-4 hours. Twice in the last month, I have needed Adenosine to restart...convert my heart. TRouble is, with the 36m dose, it is now happening every day. The last time for 6.5hrs!! With a resting heartrate of 178bpm.
My doc was very quick to pull me off Concerta. I am waiting on a heart ablation. She says, (and she is right) I have lasted my whole life with ADHD with no meds. Surely I can go a few more months. I agreed.
Except 2 weeks went by and I just found myself getting more and more depressed. To see...to feel the clouds and fig roll back in on all my thoughts has been so painful. Very hard. And still not call from my cardiologist. It could be months!
So 4 days ago I returned to my doctor. Told her, I am having a hard time, suddenly being out of focus again :(. She agrees to try again, slowly. This time Ritalin. 10mg, twice a day
And now, I am even more discouraged. Because I may as well be taking sugar pills. These darn things don't help at ALL! And I am sad, and discouraged. Is this normal. Do I just need a higher dose bc of my concerta doseage.
And now, my doctor....the first one I trusted, the first one in a long time who listened and seemed to have my very best interested at heart. She is gone. For one year. On maternity leave. (God Bless her and her soon to be here new son). But I am left feeling unsure...so I need to talk to people who have been here too.
I hope I can find that here
Perhaps 2.5 months ago, or just a little more, I went to see my new doctor about my anxiety issues. I had never addressed them with her before, had only been seeing her a few months. Besides, I detested being on medication for anxiety! I felt it numbed me...it didn't just kill my anxiety...it killed ALL of my feelings. But, I was snapping at my husband, my little boy, and never able to just sit and relax anymore. So I figured I should bite the bullet and talk to her. Unlike my last doctor, this new one was nice, and reasonable....and she seemed to really listen to me, when I spoke. So, off I went, albeit quite upset about the thoughts of being asked to retry some mind numbing medication.
Something different happened on that fateful day. My doctor asked me to describe how I felt and what was occuring, when I felt anxious. A curious look came over my doctors face as I described my inability to sit and watch the first 4 mins of the news. Because I could not stop thinking about the dishes in the kitchen sink. So Up I would get to go start those dishes, but on my way to the kitchen I notice the dogs empty water dish, so I grab that to fill up along the way. Except as I run the cold water, I notice the garbage is quite full, and I start to haul that out of the bin as I run the tap, and then I notice the socks on the floor, which the puppy has hauled out of the laundry basket, so I grab those up, to run them quickly into the bedroom linen basket. On the way, I pass my sons book bag and remember he has a page of Kindergarten homework left to complete.....and suddenly, I am scowling at my husband for his lack of help, and none of the 6 things I started are complete. My doctor, after asking a few more questions, excuses herself and comes back in with a sheet of folded paper. She asks me simply to take this home, fill it out when I have a quiet moment, and answer honestly, and return with it.
Well! That Adult ADHD Questionnaire just about blew my mind!!! I had no idea those were symptoms in adults. And almost every little tiny checkmark of mine was to the extreme right. And suddenly, things started falling into place for me. Things just started to click. My trouble in school, no matter how hard I studied, my inability to finish so many tasks...SO many things made sense, and for the first time in a long time, I wondered if maybe, just maybe...I wasn't as dumb as I had thought I was!
My doctor started me on Concerta, 18mg. For 10 days I felt like a new word had opened up in front of me. I could see! I could think! I could join in conversation without fear of not being able to pull a single rational, intelligent thought, out of my head. Day 12-14...the effects seemed to dampen a bit. 27mg worked well...with same issues around day 8, and when I was upped to 36mg, I felt little to no change after 2 weeks on that dosage :(. However, what I did feel was my rapid heartrate.
I have SVT. Have had it for years, and typically, it was only ever an issue, once every few months. No big thing! Except, the last year, it has been happening a few times a week. And instead of lasting 2-3 mins...it goes 2-4 hours. Twice in the last month, I have needed Adenosine to restart...convert my heart. TRouble is, with the 36m dose, it is now happening every day. The last time for 6.5hrs!! With a resting heartrate of 178bpm.
My doc was very quick to pull me off Concerta. I am waiting on a heart ablation. She says, (and she is right) I have lasted my whole life with ADHD with no meds. Surely I can go a few more months. I agreed.
Except 2 weeks went by and I just found myself getting more and more depressed. To see...to feel the clouds and fig roll back in on all my thoughts has been so painful. Very hard. And still not call from my cardiologist. It could be months!
So 4 days ago I returned to my doctor. Told her, I am having a hard time, suddenly being out of focus again :(. She agrees to try again, slowly. This time Ritalin. 10mg, twice a day
And now, I am even more discouraged. Because I may as well be taking sugar pills. These darn things don't help at ALL! And I am sad, and discouraged. Is this normal. Do I just need a higher dose bc of my concerta doseage.
And now, my doctor....the first one I trusted, the first one in a long time who listened and seemed to have my very best interested at heart. She is gone. For one year. On maternity leave. (God Bless her and her soon to be here new son). But I am left feeling unsure...so I need to talk to people who have been here too.
I hope I can find that here
Replies
It sounds like you are taking very little Ritalin. Would an increased dose of that bother your heart?
Also I know that anxiety very often goes along with ADHD. Are you taking anything for that?
MY son has both of those.
He takes Vyvanse, only on days that he feels he needs it. It works well for him. He also takes sertraline for anxiety, but sometimes buprofen for depression. He is functioning very well, and is a normal, happy guy, with a little help from meds. I wish you the same.
I crave the same as well, and am so happy to hear that your son has found balance! I was on something for anxiety, along with the Concerta. But when my heart started beating so fast, so much more frequently than it had in the past, I\'ll be honest....I think everything else took second stage (in my doctors eyes). She took me off the Concerta and I gradually ran out of the anxiety meds a week later, which made things worse again of course. But my doctor, seemed more overwhelmed herself, as of late...trying to fit in her patients before she left to have her baby. Many things were skipped or missed. I suppose, part of that is the low dose of Ritalin as well. When I approached her about re-trying something, to see how my heart would take it, she absentmindly grabbed the prescription pad and wrote a \'script for one 10mg tab a day. She didn\'t even say much in handing it to me, which was so odd of her. She is normally quite compassionate. It was her last day on the job. I think she was flustered and made a mistake....even the pharmacist asked why I was on Ritalin, if I was removed from Concerta for the Rapid heartbeat. He said both would do the same! (and I assume Ritalin would do just that if it was upped to a level that I need it to be at/like my 36mg concerta)
So Now I am nervous...to see a fill in Doctor, and ask about Ritalin, and enquire about other meds perhaps that have less side effects on my heart. :(. I am so confused...muddled
But I can tell you, feeling your heart beat 178 PBM for 6 hours straight, while sitting still....is NO fun :I
I just want to feel more normal again(