Who thought we would be here

I w/have never thought when we first met & got married I w/be here like this.
I still can not believe you are truly dead.  It still blows my mind you had such a massive heart attack.  BUT I knew you were slowing down I wished I had pushed it but you just don't think it would happen to you.  I hope you are happy where you are, & I wished I could feel you.
I had a dream last night, you were staying away from me like you were mad, I tried to argue w/you about something & go to you but I do not remember what. And you kept go away from me, I remember you kept getting farther away I remember I finally said fine, just go away I need to get something done.  It was over.  But I was upset w/you I wish I knew what. 
Stayed home today instead of going into town, it snowed all day yesterday, last nite & most of today.  19" total when a few days ago there was NONE, the corrals were drying & the horses were loving it.  Now its miserable again, I am sick of winter.  I think it made me cry today - I just did not want to be alone in this or anything else for that matter. Its not the way its supposed to be, why did you leave me like this?  I feel until this ugly weather goes away I am kept back from going forward. 
I so miss you, seeing you, talking w/you, telling you things, wish you could just come to me once and tell me you did not suffer & how you felt going.
And tell me what or where to go.  Today for some reason was a crying day.



Crying days happen. I hope tomorrow is better for you. I don\'t know why any of this happened to any of us, but it did. And it SUCKS. Hugs to you for an early spring.

Totally understand the lonliness and desolution, and how the bad weather just makes it worse. ((((HUGS)))) to you, and hope tomorrow is a better day! Julie