Who said it get's better>?
It's been almost 3 months now since I last held my little prince, and at first it was hard but I kept my head up and struggled through my tears and each and every day but as the days passed things have just been getting worse and worse. I have three older siblings one sister who is ill with a rare condition called Dystonia and we hadn't spoken in over a year but she called to check up on me, my eldest brother was a blessing he was there for all of us every step of the way but my youngest brother has made the last 10 weeks and longer a night mare for me. He never called once to see how we were and his wife isn't any better walking around with her nose stuck in the air. She had showed up at our house last two weeks ago to pick up my cousins who were visiting from England and dropped off a post dated check (conveniently dated for the day after my cousins were to leave) for money that my brother owed us for the last 18 months. Yet they had money to spend driving my cousins around, taking them to the spa and expensive skiing trips. they make me so mad. The night after I deposited the check I happened upon a conversation that my stuck up sister in law was having on FB with her daughter in which they stated they wanted to drown me... but since they didn't actually use my name I can't prove they were actually threatening ME.
I have been having a very hard time dealing with the day to day events. My doctors office is a nightmare since the tree doctors specialize in maternity, but my doctor has been so wonderful that I don't dare leave her care, when I first came in to see her after delivery she had no idea and even sat down and cried with me. Now I walk in and see all these beautiful bellies and women with multiple children and I want to scream cause they have no idea what could go wrong and how their little lives are so fragile.
I finally lost it this week and asked to see a professional, My 7 year old is having problems in school both behavioral and learning and it's gotten worse since December. My Doctor still hadn't received my file from the hospital so I had to call the hospital crying and screaming to get the file finally sent out, someone else that same day asked me how the baby was doing and I had to tell her what happened. My father was brought into the hospital this week and was diagnosed with Diabetes. My husbands grandfather recently passed away, adding more pain to our accumulating pile. I haven't been taking care of myself, I know that, and it's far too easy for me to poor a glass and drink my problems away or take a pill but I don't want to do that.. I won't find the answers there. So I asked my doctor to refer me to a shrink and try and get my mind back (which I know I will never get well again) then I find out OHIP (Ontario Heath insurance) doesn't cover psychiatrists WTF! Hello!! We just had mental illness awareness week and no one mentioned the lack of heath care funding for us crazy ass people who desperately NEED the help.
So yes I'm feeling lower than low right now. I am physically sick. I've spent two nights now laying on the bathroom floor being sick. You can only lay so many of your troubles on your family and friends before they say 'Bugger Off, Stop bringing me down.'
So March break my Therapy begin$
I have been having a very hard time dealing with the day to day events. My doctors office is a nightmare since the tree doctors specialize in maternity, but my doctor has been so wonderful that I don't dare leave her care, when I first came in to see her after delivery she had no idea and even sat down and cried with me. Now I walk in and see all these beautiful bellies and women with multiple children and I want to scream cause they have no idea what could go wrong and how their little lives are so fragile.
I finally lost it this week and asked to see a professional, My 7 year old is having problems in school both behavioral and learning and it's gotten worse since December. My Doctor still hadn't received my file from the hospital so I had to call the hospital crying and screaming to get the file finally sent out, someone else that same day asked me how the baby was doing and I had to tell her what happened. My father was brought into the hospital this week and was diagnosed with Diabetes. My husbands grandfather recently passed away, adding more pain to our accumulating pile. I haven't been taking care of myself, I know that, and it's far too easy for me to poor a glass and drink my problems away or take a pill but I don't want to do that.. I won't find the answers there. So I asked my doctor to refer me to a shrink and try and get my mind back (which I know I will never get well again) then I find out OHIP (Ontario Heath insurance) doesn't cover psychiatrists WTF! Hello!! We just had mental illness awareness week and no one mentioned the lack of heath care funding for us crazy ass people who desperately NEED the help.
So yes I'm feeling lower than low right now. I am physically sick. I've spent two nights now laying on the bathroom floor being sick. You can only lay so many of your troubles on your family and friends before they say 'Bugger Off, Stop bringing me down.'
So March break my Therapy begin$
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