Who are you?

When I was younger we would play a game called who are you?  It told alot about what you thought was important.  for example if you said I'm a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, teacher, christian first it said much about your priorities.  I usually said my name first.  Some self-esteem, huh?  Now I find it is pretty healthy to be who I am.  As of late, a friend of mine cannot seem to get out of her grief and depression since her husband died.  O.k. , so it was more than three years ago.  I asked her how long she thought it was healthy to grieve and she said a couple years so she's not stupid.  She cannot seem to stop because she lost her identity.  First, wife and mother, then her husbands caretaker and now his widow.  How do you make someone else see how important self is?  She says she doesn't care anymore and will not get out and about unless she if forced too unless it's to a grief group.  It  has become physicallly difficult for her to get around because she sits in front of the TV or computor and eats.  I've tried to talk to her, her therapist has tried to no avail.  I don't know what else to do.  Who are you?