Who and what I am

WHO I AM How do you merge who you used to be, with who you are now?How do you get past the pain, of never seeing him again, never feeling his touch, or have him there when the little things happen in life, like watching both our granddaughters ride on the horse together.How do you merge what is now, with what used to be?I come home every day to an empty house, you're not on the porch waiting, or inside with supper started, I can't look out in the fields to see you on the tractor. I miss you.What used to be is gone now, it's been almost 3 months.I've cried for you, felt so alone, but yet I'm reminded every day of what we shared so I make it through in spite of the tears and of the pain.I am now finding my strengths, trying to over come my weakness and taking baby steps to see who I really am without you. You were my rock, you loved me, protected me and you were my best friend. I loved you just the same.I miss that most of all. I still love God, and I'm not angry that He took you so soon, I'm not angry at you, cause you didn't get to keep your promise of being together for 50 years.But I'm learning. I'm learning and I'm learning.I take it in moments at a time, and I do okay until something hits me hard and I fall apart all over again.I'm told that it will get better, that the loss won't consume me so one day, I wait patiently for that day.But for now, I try to find who I am now that I'm not with you. Try to merge what used to be with what is now. I love you and I miss you. I take this journey one moment at a time.