WHERE WE START IS WHERE WE END
I have been thinking about how we deal with what we are going through no matter what it is. Right now I am dealing with the death of my wonderful son Kenny and how he is missed but what I realized if I can put it in the words I want it to say.
In the beginning of a situation that we are going through, there are these steps we have to experience. Some call it the 12 step program, co-dependence whatever but
the thing I realized as we struggle to deal with what we are going through the very thing that we are fighting is the actually the finally thing we end up accepting. To me it is like a viscious circle.
If you have read or gone though or even just talked to someone they always say there are steps you have to deal with and they are not always in order and then we think we are finally feel we have gotten to the acceptance and we are right back where we began. Then the very steps we are working through are all the steps we have to get through to accept what has happened in able to go on. Now they call that acceptance, but I am not sure. I think what we are doing is we know what has happened we have to accept it but our minds want to be in denial, anger, bargaining, all the steps they teach you or you hear, but the final truth is we are fighting all those steps cause we don't want to accept what has happened.
But that is how we cope with our sorrow, acceptance, but we have to go round and round to get there like a circle. So all the things I feel now, I have to get to the point that I am not fighting against those feelings. So to me the reality is we accept what has happened in the very beginning, but we can't so we go round and round and one day we just have to quit going round and round and we make the decision to accept what we already new at the very first.
i know my son died the night he died, but I don't want to accept it so I just keep fighting until I can't fight anymore and then I finally make a decision and it actually is no different than in the very beginning, My son is gone and there is nothing I can do about it.
I am no where close to that place yet and I will continue to go through the cycle of the circle and one day after so much grief, there will be a time when I have to make the acceptance that he is gone. For some of us in this group you are there and you are what helps us get through it now. For some of us we are just beginning the circle and hope someday we will make it to where the ones that help us has made it. That is what is so special about this group. We are here for each other and help us deal with the things we just really don't want to. But without this group I don't know where I would be. So thanks to all of you that are far ahead of me and thank you all who are right where I am. But through each other's strength we will finally finish the circle and accept what we are fighting to not accept.
To all my friends, I say thank you for caring about me and my pain.
Sandi
In the beginning of a situation that we are going through, there are these steps we have to experience. Some call it the 12 step program, co-dependence whatever but
the thing I realized as we struggle to deal with what we are going through the very thing that we are fighting is the actually the finally thing we end up accepting. To me it is like a viscious circle.
If you have read or gone though or even just talked to someone they always say there are steps you have to deal with and they are not always in order and then we think we are finally feel we have gotten to the acceptance and we are right back where we began. Then the very steps we are working through are all the steps we have to get through to accept what has happened in able to go on. Now they call that acceptance, but I am not sure. I think what we are doing is we know what has happened we have to accept it but our minds want to be in denial, anger, bargaining, all the steps they teach you or you hear, but the final truth is we are fighting all those steps cause we don't want to accept what has happened.
But that is how we cope with our sorrow, acceptance, but we have to go round and round to get there like a circle. So all the things I feel now, I have to get to the point that I am not fighting against those feelings. So to me the reality is we accept what has happened in the very beginning, but we can't so we go round and round and one day we just have to quit going round and round and we make the decision to accept what we already new at the very first.
i know my son died the night he died, but I don't want to accept it so I just keep fighting until I can't fight anymore and then I finally make a decision and it actually is no different than in the very beginning, My son is gone and there is nothing I can do about it.
I am no where close to that place yet and I will continue to go through the cycle of the circle and one day after so much grief, there will be a time when I have to make the acceptance that he is gone. For some of us in this group you are there and you are what helps us get through it now. For some of us we are just beginning the circle and hope someday we will make it to where the ones that help us has made it. That is what is so special about this group. We are here for each other and help us deal with the things we just really don't want to. But without this group I don't know where I would be. So thanks to all of you that are far ahead of me and thank you all who are right where I am. But through each other's strength we will finally finish the circle and accept what we are fighting to not accept.
To all my friends, I say thank you for caring about me and my pain.
Sandi
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