Where to go from here...

Second to second. Minute to minute. Hour to hour. Day to day. I struggle with my addiction. To look back and know the person I once was its almost like its a fairytale. I have such vauge memories. But still the sense of desperate longing to get back to that fairytale is so real. It's so hard to start all over again, being almost 2 yrs clean!!! How do I turn back from this. Once again heroin has consumed be. I'm uncontrollably controlled by heroin. Again!!! I ask myself all the time where the hell did I go wrong in my life? I would never wish this struggle on the world's enemy. I fear each day that it maybe my last. I so desperately want to get clean again. For myself for once.