Where to begin?

I'm just not in a good spot. I feel absolutely powerless and incapable of doing what I truly was doing in my life and existence previously. Working continually in a kitchen, refining my knowledge of culinary executions and capabilities. Traveling onwards and forwards. I have a family now that I have absolutely to put prior and before my own desires and lusts. That I can't just jump on a plane and work for or with some of my former coworkers and chefs whom are now owning and running restaurants of their own. It's incredibly difficult and challenging for me to accept what is now my literal physical condition and the in capabilities of traveling continually to work with and stage with some of my former coworkers and chefs. I am absolutely in a state and position to which I did previously desire, but now to accept and absorb my physical status and in capabilities. Working as a janitor is just a continuous punch to my face.