Where to begin....
I have no idea where to begin... our story is so long. The primary reason for coming back to this site (I was on about 4 years ago) is because I loved how supportive everyone was as I went through a divorce and I'm hoping the support level is the same for my current challenge.
My husband and I are recently married. My husband suffers from depression, and at times it gets really really bad and I don't know how to help him. He refuses to believe he's worth anything, doesn't know why God did this to him (we're Christian, and love the Lord but lately he's saying God had forgotten him and screwed him over). Anyway, I have No one to talk to because everyone tells me to leave him. I can't, I love him so much and he needs help.. someone who believes in him, not that will abandon him.
Here's the next part, for years he has self medicated with alcohol. He told me before we were married that he had been sober for years. Not true.. I found that out after we were married. We didn't live together or anything until we got married... anyway, recently he had such a bad episode he drank himself almost dead honestly. When it's bad he binges... ugh. So we went to his doctor who prescribed him some meds. After 2 months I think we can safety say they aren't working.
Last night, was another night I'd like to forget except it's traveled into today :( he was acting weird last night. I knew something was up but he denied any drinking so I choose to not say anything more and go with the flow. . Well, He went to bed early and I found a bottle of vodka.. he's saying he doesn't know how else to deal when he's in such pain. .. He's in such a bad mental state I have no idea what to do... tonight he just wants to sleep. Has drank a little water and eaten nothing that I know.. Maybe he's still hung over? He didn't work today and in and out ofsleep all day, literally. When I got home he said he was so ashamed he didn't want to look at me. I told him I'm not worried about the drinking as much as I'm worried about his depression because that's the root. But I can't even hold a conversation with him, he's not acting ok at all. Could the alcohol and welbutrin cause psychosis? Shouldn't it be out of his system now? He's talking about the world ending and he has to protect our family... could he be bipolar and on the wrong medicine, causing him to feel this way and act nuts? I have no idea what to do. I called the dr, hoping to see him first thing Monday or Tuesday because he's out until then...
I have my own story but briefly because it's part of it, I have 2 amazing kids, their dad, my ex husband left us out of the blue one morning for another woman. My kids and I have been through hard stuff and I feel so horrible for them, because they're amazing, literally, I do all I can to protect them. They Love their step dad.... but with this recent stuff (which the kids don't know much about at all) I don't know if I should be sticking around :( I'm scared, confused, don't have a clue what to do and have no one to go to. I found this site years ago when my ex left, and found such comfort because, I didn't feel alone anymore. So I'm hoping and praying for advice, any advice. Please
My husband and I are recently married. My husband suffers from depression, and at times it gets really really bad and I don't know how to help him. He refuses to believe he's worth anything, doesn't know why God did this to him (we're Christian, and love the Lord but lately he's saying God had forgotten him and screwed him over). Anyway, I have No one to talk to because everyone tells me to leave him. I can't, I love him so much and he needs help.. someone who believes in him, not that will abandon him.
Here's the next part, for years he has self medicated with alcohol. He told me before we were married that he had been sober for years. Not true.. I found that out after we were married. We didn't live together or anything until we got married... anyway, recently he had such a bad episode he drank himself almost dead honestly. When it's bad he binges... ugh. So we went to his doctor who prescribed him some meds. After 2 months I think we can safety say they aren't working.
Last night, was another night I'd like to forget except it's traveled into today :( he was acting weird last night. I knew something was up but he denied any drinking so I choose to not say anything more and go with the flow. . Well, He went to bed early and I found a bottle of vodka.. he's saying he doesn't know how else to deal when he's in such pain. .. He's in such a bad mental state I have no idea what to do... tonight he just wants to sleep. Has drank a little water and eaten nothing that I know.. Maybe he's still hung over? He didn't work today and in and out ofsleep all day, literally. When I got home he said he was so ashamed he didn't want to look at me. I told him I'm not worried about the drinking as much as I'm worried about his depression because that's the root. But I can't even hold a conversation with him, he's not acting ok at all. Could the alcohol and welbutrin cause psychosis? Shouldn't it be out of his system now? He's talking about the world ending and he has to protect our family... could he be bipolar and on the wrong medicine, causing him to feel this way and act nuts? I have no idea what to do. I called the dr, hoping to see him first thing Monday or Tuesday because he's out until then...
I have my own story but briefly because it's part of it, I have 2 amazing kids, their dad, my ex husband left us out of the blue one morning for another woman. My kids and I have been through hard stuff and I feel so horrible for them, because they're amazing, literally, I do all I can to protect them. They Love their step dad.... but with this recent stuff (which the kids don't know much about at all) I don't know if I should be sticking around :( I'm scared, confused, don't have a clue what to do and have no one to go to. I found this site years ago when my ex left, and found such comfort because, I didn't feel alone anymore. So I'm hoping and praying for advice, any advice. Please
Replies
Jenny, my story is similar to your husbands. I suffered from depression for years, but didn\'t realize it. I was so sad & miserable, and hated life so I turned to drinking vodka to numb the pain. Eventually, my drinking got way out of control, and last year I went to the doctor. I was diagnosed with depression and started taking Wellbutrin. I took it twice a day, every day, and after 2-3 months, I started feeling better. I\'ve been on it for about 6 months now, and I feel sooo much better! I continued the heavy drinking up until Monday night (I\'m on Day 4 of being sober). Now that my head is in a better place, I\'m realizing what alcohol is doing to me and am determined to quit.
I know how your husband feels, there is no worse feeling in the world. And big kudos to you for sticking with him, that has to be really hard on you. Maybe staying on the medication longer might help. I don\'t know ... it is different for each person. Encourage him to continue seeking help. Words can\'t describe what depression is like, but as someone who has been there ... it\'s a feeling I wouldn\'t wish on my worst enemy.
There\'s also a Depression group on DS - have you joined that one?
~Lisa
Lisa, you\'re a gem. Thank you so much for your response. I personally don\'t battle severe depression but for what I do I don\'t wish it on my worst enemy. As you stated. My battles are more with anxiety... with that said, that\'s why I am having so much trouble with the thought of leaving my husband, especially at a time where he needs someone, I feel like the most. I don\'t want to overstep my boundaries but I also want to make sure he knows that he\'s not alone, even if he doesn\'t acknowledge it. I can\'t claim to relate to his battle, as I said, but I can show him but I\'m not going to leave him or that I condemn him for the things that he does to cope . I do have to think about my own happiness as well as my children so it\'s a very hard hard hard spot to be in the middle of, I feel a bit lost some days because when he\'s not having a good day he\'ll either be very quiet into his own or very angry, at the world and everybody in it. He\'ll say things that are very hurtful and I have to remember that but he doesn\'t mean it but sometimes I wonder if he does... But I know that I\'m not worthless and I\'m a good person or I try to be.... today we went to the doctor and he\'s now taking 150 SR wellbutrin 2 times a day and klonopin 2 times a day and we\'re going to follow up with the doctor in 4 weeks. I am praying that this will help is really bad days. I realize the goal is to have more good than bad and that the dad isn\'t going to go away completely.
Congratulations hun, on your days of sobriety, I truly understand why it\'s hard for some people with respect to alcohol as it runs rampid in my family personally.... but now having a husband that uses it to self medicate because if he doesn\'t he\'s scared he\'s going to do something to himself... just hard.
thank you again for your message, I feel like all I can do is reach out for help because I can\'t do this by myself, it\'s taking so much strength.. I fight my own battles so it\'s driving me into a pit, but... I just want to learn more so I can possibly help even if its just to sit and listen...