"Where's the Money?"

 
This morning my husband asks to pay off his credit card with the rest of the tax money. I told him there was no more tax money ('cause if there had been, I would have paid off the card!). He asked what happened to it & I told him that he spent it. All true.
 
I could tell he was frustrated & mad & couldn't believe what I told him. But he's never been able to realize that 2+2 does not =2. If you look at the bank statements, it's all him spending that $. Anything I've spent from the bank account, I've reimbursed. I didn't say any of this--I don't think he'd even believe me (he didn't believe me when I said he spent the $). But he can pull out the statements & see exactly where the $ went. And the account balance has been displayed on all his withdrawal slips, so it's no secret.
 
When I left for work after this conversation, I was feeling a bit nervous/anxious. What if he blames me? What if he starts asking me about how I'm paying the bills? What if he accuses me of doing something I'm not doing? Then I said to myself, "Self, so what if he does? Any accusation doesn't make something true. I can't control what he believes. I have nothing to hide in the way I've been managing my money. I haven't taken anything away from him." This has given me some peace. Some, I say, because I still can't stand someone raging about something that is not based in reality (like what happened with my sister). On the other hand, I can't control how a person thinks/rationalizes. And I don't have to "take" the raging (not that there will be any--I guess I'm assuming worst case!).
 
If he wants it paid off, he's going to have to figure it out. Really, he can do it if he just sits down, makes a plan & executes it. His problem is: he gets in his own way. But he needs to realize this himself.